I was on Bumble for a while, but often you see the same people across the apps. The thing about Bumble is that the female makes first contact after you match which is nice- if you are comfortable making the first move. If you don’t have a paid account and can’t see who already likes you, you never know when you’re going to get a match so you may not have something to say if you didn’t read the profile and were swiping based on pictures- cause lets face it, sometimes we do that. So I prefer Tinder where the guy can make the first contact, or I can if I’m inspired to do so.

I admit that sometimes I simply open with “hey there” or something incredibly generic. For a while Tinder offered ice breaker questions so I used those for a while and it was sometimes a good conversation starter, but sometimes you find that there’s just no where else to go. If I ask a question and their answer does not really prompt a response. Or the answer is dry- sometimes the conversation ends there. Sometimes those first few sentences will tell you all you need to know. Me? I like a good conversationalist. I like someone who will answer questions and also ask them. And not just ask back the question I just asked.

We all have something in mind when we are having a conversation. How fast do they respond? Are they funny? Do their responses beg more questions? Does their conversation seem genuine? Now, your mileage may very depending on what you are looking for in a “partner.” If you don’t care about more than genitals and a heartbeat- none of this may matter to you. And that’s perfectly fine. But for me, I’m attracted to good conversation. I try to ask questions about them as a person, instead of just what sexual position they like the best. That’s just me. I give the conversation a little time before I decide if I want to keep talking to them. If they don’t ask me any questions about me outside of sexual preferences etc. that is usually a sign to me that they are looking for LESS than what I am.

It’s important to know what you are looking for before you start a conversation because sometimes things can progress quickly. If you are looking for a commitment, know that and stay the course. If they just want to know how big my boobs are and do I have more pics- I’m usually out. In my experience, the men who take a little time getting to know me have a tendency to stick around a little longer after the first meeting/ date/ hook up. They are the ones that know how to talk to a woman, and chances are I will be more likely to connect with me.

You may be asking, why do I want to connect if I’m not looking for a relationship?

Imagine this. I have just had pretty good sex with this young guy who was nice, but we didn’t have a lot in common and he really didn’t ask much about me. We are laying in bed catching our breath. And silence. I look over at him and he’s got his hands at the back of his head, very relaxed. And more silence. I don’t know what to say. We don’t have a lot in common based on what he’s told me about him. He doesn’t know a damn thing about me because he’s not asked. So we lay there in silence while I am thinking to myself, is he going to get up and leave because I’d really like him to leave so I can turn on NCIS just for some fucking NOISE. So we lay there for what felt like 1000 minutes, when it was probably only 2. The entire time I’m thinking of a way to get him out the fuck of my house without being rude. Not because he was a bad person or the sex was bad, but because we don’t have anything to talk about. He finally said, “hey do you mind if I get going?” and I immediately said, “No that’s fine. It’s a long drive back to your place.”

Good lord, that was awkward for the both of us. Not only was I incapable of starting a conversation, I didn’t even want to. I just wanted him to leave. The reason he came over was completed. Thanks for the dicking, but now you need to go!

I think of this situation during the first conversation after I match with someone. Does this guys conversation style lead me to believe that I’ll be able to have a friendly conversation with him AFTER the sex is over? If you can’t interest me with your clothes on, there is no point to continue talking to this person.

So while those first conversation can be tedious. Keep your eye on the goal. You don’t want to be 3 dates in and realize that the other person hasn’t once asked you anything about you and just continues to talk about themselves. Dating can be fun and exciting, but make sure you are paying attention to the conversation- it will tell you a lot about potential for short to long term interest.