I am back. It has been a little while. I had a baby. She’s cute. Her name is Elly. She doesn’t care what diaper she wears because she’s a baby. Baby’s are actually pretty smart though but that’s another other topic for another day. I am feeling a bit silly tonight so my spin on diapering isn’t exactly a Harvard document. Poop is just so darned funny!

I want to talk to you all about the different methods of diapering. Seriously there are not so many. Really there are only 3.

CLOTH REUSABLE: The so-called MECCA of eco diapering (if cloth diapers could be a place they would be mecca). This is basically what all the staunch environmentalists/hippies/ post beatnik neo redneck vegan country folk practice along with midwifery which is basically like voodoo right?

Cloth diapers are still a part of that whole “buy me” scheme because they have cute names and colors and prints, collections even. If you’re gonna do it- stick with boring- they are diapers, no one sees them except you and your baby and I promise the baby does not care so you are pretty much trying to impress yourself). Boring is probably more organic. The outer shells are made of a weird man made fabric too. They take-up a sh*t load of water and in the winter the amount of electricity from the dryer produces crazy $$ bills. If we left the damn things outside it would take 5 days for them to freeze and then defrost and then smell like mold. Fall/spring/summer is best for diapering and if you live in a sunny dry place you can go for year round cloth diapering. The sun is vital to drying and bleaching out the cloth. In India they call the color of this ecological method of bleaching “sun white”. Cloth diapers do feel nicer against the skin and I know this because I am not an idiot. The Happy Heinies are the softest of the bunch and retain leakage pretty well. We would go through about 12-18 a day- no way would I ever put my baby in cloth overnight- screw that! I want my sleep if I can get it. Another few brands are Baby Bummies (these are okay) hemp or cotton flat diapers (okay too), Kissaluvs, Bum Genius, Gro Baby and AMP diapers.

PAPER/PLASTIC DISPOSABLE: The shameful horrid act of buying a non sustainable item is the easiest option of the three. It is painless and you can just “throw it away” to Neverland. It’s easy and it’s wasteful but you can tisk tisk yourself all you want and you should if you have the proper means but a lot of people simply do not, some have low water and some have no access to a washer every day, and most people do not want to hand wash poopy diapers all day long with an infant on their hip. I can’t get my laundry done let alone 15 lbs of poop stained organic cotton. I prefer the President’s Choice Green Diapers. They are extremely absorbent for being so paper thin (most disposable diapers are so bulky) they are made from wood pulp harvested from sustainably managed forests . They are processed without chlorine bleach. They have a hypoallergenic liner that is fragrance and dye free and some of the plastic parts have been replaced with plant-based polymers. A more healthy yet realistic option? Maybe. But it totally depends on your lifestyle and only you can make that decision, it’s quite personal. Why not try both?

I have not tried these bad boys yet so if anyone has please give us a holla!

Oh right, Option 3…

NIENTE NADA NOTHING: Then there are the real wackos who choose option 3, no-diapering diapering. Basically the kid grows up peeing his or her pants like an animal. But seriously, this method aims to prevent that. You look for triggers of your baby’s natural cycle- so once you kind of have an idea of your baby’s patterns then you can prepare by being there waiting to catch the golden egg- so to speak. A lot of work? I can only imagine. I have NOT tried this method in fear of well, surprise.  This is an interesting article from someone who has although I have to mention here that her baby was pretty much a child genius either that or she is into hypnotism. Some more linkage. It’s an interesting thought and by thought I mean thought. It is the most eco-friendly that’s for sure. Throw in a compost toilet in your household and you are a pretty much a god. Quite possibly a stinky one.

“God it’s good to be back.”