*This is part three of a three-article series. You can read part one here and part two here.

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The Lesbian Sex Therapy Or Coaching Process

When I coached my clients, I helped them take a big step back so they could push “pause” on the feelings of frustration, fear, and hurt, and just get curious.

I asked each of them:

What are your favorite sexual memories—no matter who they happened with?

What are your go-to fantasies when you masturbate?

Have you ever watched porn? If so, what kinds of porn scenes turn you on the most, even if you would never want to do them in real life?

If you were to read an erotic novel you just couldn’t put down, who would the characters be? What would the setting be like? What would happen between the characters?

These questions provided a starting point for a deep exploration with surprising results. Once they felt safe enough to dive into their peak sexual experiences and fantasies without fear of hurting each other, both of them made some startling discoveries.

Hottest Sexual Movies And “Incompatibility”

One of them said hesitantly, “One of my most powerful erotic experiences happened when I was alone. I was sitting at the edge of a river, naked, and the current was gently licking up against me. The sun was warm, and there was a slight breeze that felt as if it was caressing my nipples.”

“Wow,” said her partner, awed by the image of her partner in the throes of passion.

“Eventually I lay back against the shore,” she continued, “And felt the sun hot on my belly, and gently stroked my own breasts while the water lapped around my legs. I felt a sense of complete oneness with the environment. Gradually, my body began to undulate, as if tides were moving through me.

“I started stroking my belly,” she continued. “Even though I was barely touching my genitals, I ended up having an incredibly powerful orgasm that felt like it took over my whole body.”

Her partner stared at her. “No wonder our sex life hasn’t been working for you, if that’s what works for you. I would love to open myself to those kinds of experiences.”

“Really?” she was shocked and relieved. “Tell me, then, what is your hottest memory?”

Her partner looked embarrassed. “Well, sweetheart, you know me. I’m 100 percent gay. But it’s really weird, because one of my best sexual memories happened with my high school boyfriend.

“We were out on his boat, and we didn’t have much privacy or time. He grabbed me, kissed me hard, and then f*cked me from behind. I felt completely taken. Once I did the same thing with a girlfriend, only I was taking her.

“I even touched her anally. That’s not usually my thing, but it made her go wild. It was so intense it freaked us both out, and we never did it again, but it still turns me on to think about it.”

“Wow,” her partner said. “I can totally see that your style and mine are different.” Tears came to her eyes, but she wiped them away and turned to me.

“So, Ruth. Here we are. This has been so illuminating, and at least it can help us stop blaming each other. But is there any hope for us?”

How Co-Starring In Each Other’s Movies Bridged The Gap And More

It was a poignant moment. Because of my own personal experience, I knew just how much was at stake.

But because of my training, I also knew what was possible.

I’ll cut to the chase. They did find themselves able to bridge the gap and “co-star” in each other’s hottest sexual movies, to both of their surprise. Even though their peak sexual scenarios seemed so different, both of them longed to feel taken over by their erotic experience, and that became the key that helped them connect.

They also got to know each other—and themselves—much better in the process, and that created much more trust and intimacy between them. That led to both of them starting to spontaneously expand in what turned them on, which led to even more common ground.

A few months later, they showed up for their session glowing. They’d gone camping and had sex in their tent. Since they both liked having erotic experiences outdoors, this one was easy for them. But what had happened had totally surprised them.

One of them had really relaxed into the energy of nature, and then she touched her partner in a whole new way, which really lit her up.

Then she, feeling “met” the way she had longed to feel, responded with more passion than ever before.

In response, she got in touch with a powerful force that let her take her partner the way she had always wanted. It was the ultimate bridging of their sexual “movies.”

Well, not the ultimate bridging, because in truth, it was only a beginning. After that, their sexual connection got better and better.

“We would never have gotten here without you,” one said gratefully. “I can’t believe we thought about breaking up. I had no idea. No idea, what hot sex I could have with this woman.” She hugged her girlfriend tight.

Her partner’s face looked lit up from within. “Me neither. I could never have imagined this. Thank you.”

I wish my spouse and I had been able to find the kind of lesbian sex therapy or coaching that could actually have helped us. But because we didn’t, I’m even more grateful to be able to provide lesbian sex coaching and classes to other lesbian couples and singles now.

Yes, I work with lesbian singles, too. Many women are haunted by the sexual struggles of past relationships, which makes it really hard to date now. Working with the right lesbian sex therapist or coach can give you the sexual self-knowledge, comfort, and confidence to actually find the love of your life—and then create an amazing sexual relationship with her.

If this article has helped you, forward it to a friend! We all need more sexual joy in our lives, and we can all have it. That’s the world I’m working for.

You can read part one of this series here: How Lesbian Sex Therapy could have saved my Relationship.

You can read part two of this series here: Erotic Love Languages: How Lesbian Sex Therapy could have saved my Relationship.

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