Steve Abel

Broomfield, CO

Trained in Yoga of the Heart®, a cardiac and cancer certification, taught by Nischala Joy Devi, former director of Stress Management for the Dr. Dean Ornish Program for Reversing Heart Disease. Cardiac events happened in July,1988 – and I am still here.

Yoga and Heart

“Your next heart attack will be your last.”

Drugged stupor, lying in a hospital bed – still — I heard that

And — I wanted to scream — NO!

But – I didn’t

Quiet – I learned to be quiet

“We need to operate – you may only have two or three more years unless we operate.” Delivered in the so professional doctor voice….

Of course – if that is the choice, And

The picture changed

An afternoon of heart surgery, doctors swearing, drugs floating me, AND

The picture changed

Shunt out of the groin, finally, still pain, in the leg and the back, and

“You are lucky – you have collaterals. Only about 30% of heart patients do, you grew your own bypass.  And you are too healthy for bypass surgery. So — lose the weight, start a regular exercise program, take the meds, manage your stress.  And come back in five years.   You should have five years.  And we will have better tools, we will do the surgery again, we will fix you up.”

I leave the hospital, with, five years at least, AND

I am numb, and sick, and depressed, and — I go back to work.  I have to work.  To take care of my family, three children, wife, and — I will not relive grandfather’s story.

I know how bitter children can be that grow up without a father.

I know my Dad.

So I start cardiac rehab – exercise, diet change.  One other patient there, my age, 34, my buddy in rehab, so young, to be so sick —- but — I am.

And thank God for nurses, for priests, for a priest, that pushed me into therapy.  Because the disease, the heart disease – lived in the heart, but – began in the mind.

Depression, repressed anger, anger turned inward, grief, fear, loss – loss of who I was, and – I was not happy there.

Working, always working, never enough money for the family, never good enough for the job – I can do more, I can take on more, and then — I cannot.

Now — the — work — is — to — heal — this — disease.

I —  HAVE — to — HEAL.  So – I start more work, now on me, and

The picture changed

“Reversing Heart Disease”, by Dr. Dean Ornish   ——– a book of hope

Low fat diet, exercise, yoga, support for the emotional journey

She listens, my therapist.  The first time, the FIRST TIME in my life, that I felt heard, that I felt cared about -warmth of an embrace without touch.   And she says “You need to take care of yourself, to continue to take care of others.” And that carries me a while longer.  For – if I care for you, will you care for me?

Of course, it does not work that way, sometimes. Perhaps – ever. Perhaps.  Sometimes – never…..

So what does taking care of myself involve?  And – there is this yoga, maybe a teacher can help me with the shoulder pain, the back pain, the hip pain, the …. pain.  And I go for a few lessons, and I learn.  No, I begin to learn,

To breathe

And – I take breath into my fervent prayer — Just let me live until my youngest gets out of high school.

So – my children kept me alive, you see. Therapists question, we were talking about suicide – “Is there anything you care about? You really, really care about?”   Yes – my children.  My children saved my life – and —– I breathe.

And I practice, a few poses — for years.  And — I begin — meditation.

Stress relief —- and —- more…….

For me, blessedly more. I am reaching up and out, on my knees, and

A touch comes, a taste of the infinite, and

The picture changes

Pushed into exploration for ministry, the question “Priest or deacon?” And I frustrated him, my priest – I could not, would not choose. Until, 4 years later, a new priest, and he says “Your first ministry is to your family.”  And – I go with that, to serve family. I have no call to larger ministry…..

You give to children with no expectation of return, as father and even more as grandfather.

And the picture changes.

Dean Ornish workshop, 15 years later, instead of doctors scoffing at me, now I have become mainstream.  Yoga, restorative yoga, every day for a week, and I am hooked.  First time, easing the back pain, easing the hip pain, easing the shoulder pain…

I am hooked.

What can yoga offer? I begin to read, seek a yoga therapist, and

“The Secret Power of Yoga”, by Nischala Joy Devi, and

Go deeper

And – the picture changes.

I touch – new joy, new insight, new frames, of seeing, of thinking, of moving

And – perhaps – I should explore teaching?  Share this, with other cardiac patients.  But I am not flexible, I am not strong, I am NOT…..   And, a yoga therapist’s words —- “You have the heart for it.”   And —- I begin, and stop, life interrupts forcefully, and then – begin again.

Dad is gone.  I may not have much more time.

And – complete teacher training, in tears, with tears, and — I am getting stronger.

And

I have a teacher in me, for my children, for my grand-children

Needs practice, just keep

Practicing

Keep showing up, and

See – where it will lead

Breathe

The journey – is finally – starting to get interesting

I am glad to be here

Now

Just here, just now

Is enough

Breathe

Yoga is the uniting of consciousness in the heart. Thank you, Nischala Devi.

Breathe

A bit more background

I began my yoga journey with a commitment to ahimsa, satya, and Isvara Pranidhana in my teens, although I would not have used those terms at that time. The next big step was diagnosis of stable angina and severe coronary artery disease in 1988.  That began a healing journey with yoga, started yoga asana with a few restorative poses from my first teacher, and breathing and meditation, practiced for 15 years. The journey deepened further with guided practice for a week (2 restorative classes a day) and a layoff in 2003. That led to a move, and a new teacher, and she led me to the sutras (The Secret Power of Yoga, by Nischala Joy Devi). I began teacher training in 2007, and completed a 200 hour program in December of 2012. My list of teachers on this journey continues to grow, and I am grateful to them. Now retired, I practice regularly and continue exploration to find a fuller life.