We all have individual Dharmic paths that lead towards our unfoldment. For some, it’s meditation. For others, it’s service. For me, it’s sex.

Well, technically, for me, it’s all the above.

I’m lucky to live at Clear Sky Meditation Center, where our Teachers Qapel Doug Duncan and Catherine Pawasarat Sensei skillfully use taboos as a tool for transcendence. And, I’m lucky because sex is such a juicy (pardon the pun) area for healing.

Six years ago, I asked Catherine Sensei, who is a Master Astrologer, for advice on my Dharmic path. She has developed an online course where one relates to their astrological placements as tools for transcendence, and I wanted to know how to work with my North Node. The North Node is your Dharmic path through the lens of Astrology. (Note: If you are interested in exploring more, here is another Elephant Journal article on AstroDharma written by Catherine Sensei and Qapel.)

Catherine Sensei suggested I explore sex in a structured and intentional way. My North Node, or Dharma, is in Taurus—the body and sensuality—and it is in the 9th House, relating to structure and higher learning. The exploration that emerged from Catherine Sensei’s suggestion led to incredible healing in my journey. It also completely shifted my career path: I now work as a Somatic Sex and Intimacy Coach.

The Courage to Face Our Shadow

It’s through sex that I came face to face with one glaring blind spot: internalized misogyny. And I discovered this blind spot in a very unexpected way.

Studying to become a Somatic Sex Educator required a five-day retreat. Just before it began, I asked my mentor: What do most women choose as their focus for it? Without hesitation, he said, “Many women want to learn how to have multiple orgasms or ejaculate.” That sounded fun, but sex that focused on bigger and better had already become exhausting for me. I was ready to be soft. And I discovered the power of less, making space for much, much more.

For five days, I focused on somatic inquiry. No goal for orgasm. No big wows. Simply: I intend to feel into the wisdom of my body.

And on night three, something epic happened. Sitting in stillness and looking up at the moon, my heart softened and opened. There had been an unconscious wall standing there, and for the first time, I knew it for what it was.

The wall had been pushing away all women. And, right then, it just melted away.

I realized I had suppressed and belittled feminine energy because I believed it was weak. That it was emotional and less valuable than masculine energy. In our patriarchal culture, I avoided looking like an emotional female. At work, I pushed through my menstrual cramps, so I wouldn’t seem weak compared to male colleagues. In romance, I hid my feelings, so I wouldn’t seem needy. And in sex, I would try to imitate what I saw in mainstream media, so I wouldn’t be abandoned for a younger, sexier woman.

I had tried to hide some of the aspects that made me, me. And in doing so, I unconsciously pushed away other women.

Welcoming in a Deep Love of the Feminine

On that evening in retreat, I felt the beauty, the courage, and the stillness of the feminine. This softening created space in my heart for a deep love for my mother, my sisters, my female Teachers, colleagues, and friends. In what melted, I felt a softening and acceptance of my own femininity, and the femininity in all beings.

At my home of Clear Sky, this unfolding continues. Compassionately, Catherine Sensei and Qapel teach us to notice and value the strengths and weaknesses of yin and yang. I have immense gratitude as Catherine Sensei inspires me through her teaching on internalized misogyny and her continuing dedicated work on reintegrating women into the Buddhist narrative.

And, when the Teachers heard these insights of mine, they provided a beautiful reflection:

“If someone sees themselves as just one gender or race, they’re not looking beyond this one lifetime. We’ve all lived so many lifetimes that we’ve already experienced every gender and every race several times over. It’s time for us to realize that we are all each other. Always have been. Always will be. Forever.”