Start your engines… broom broom…

Sex is like driving. It’s talked about a lot, it’s thought about a lot, it’s done a lot. But most people aren’t doing it properly. They’re doing it clumsy, misguided, drunk, they’re missing the whole point. (excuse the pun… buckle in, there will be plenty of these!)

We have the power to start our own “engine”, we have the fuel to take us wherever we want to go, but so many of us learnt misguided, destructive driving techniques.

As adolescents we had wild charges of electricity pumping through our tail pipe without knowing how to control and direct our car to a safe, healthy, more pleasurable destination. We picked up bad habits from movies, TV shows, Jackie Collins Novels, and ended up in situations where we felt guilt, shame, road rage.

Let’s face it, everyone wants to drive like a “Nascar Pro”… but very few do.

Some drive recklessly causing harm to themselves and others; some have been victims of crashes, collisions, serious injuries; some treat driving like bumper cars, they just keep doing the same monotonous jerky movements, pounding into each other without going anywhere.

Many run out of fuel almost as soon as they start their engine (you know who you are). When we don’t even make it out of the driveway, is there really much point getting in the car in the first place?

Some get fed up with all the lacklustre hoo ha and give up – they put their car safely in the garage where it’s gathering dust.

We all want to spark up our engine, release our inhibitions and drive like there’s no tomorrow, but if we don’t drive safely and we don’t drive with others who are safe drivers too, we can end up in collisions.

So before we start our engines, here are 12 road safety rules that can keep us safe and ensure a smooth, enjoyable ride…

1. GET YOUR LICENCE

Before we jump in the car with someone else, we must learn how to start our own engine and drive solo. You want to make sure you’re in the drivers seat – always! You can car pool, but never let someone else drive your car.  Especially if you’ve had trouble with the engine. You are the most qualified mechanic of your car. You can get tips from other mechanics, but no one can repair your engine, but you.

So get a certified driving instructor, do a course, read a book, watch YouTube Videos (not the “racey” high speed chase ones, the safe, respectful ones), do whatever you need to do to learn how to get your license before driving with someone else. And once we’re in control of the wheel, we’re ready to ride with others.

2. BECOME A CAR LOVER

When we love and respect our car, when we take good care of it, it sets the standard for how others treat our car. So wax it, polish it, buff it according to your taste, not to impress anyone else. We can add a spoiler, roof racks, fluffy car seats or dice!  The options are limitless.  But if we constantly parade our car around like we’re in a car show, trying to get others to put a value on our vehicle, it wears out the engine and actually devalues the car.  We all know that it’s what’s under the hood that really counts.

So nourish your car from the inside, feed it good quality fuel, change the oil and get it fine tuned regularly.

We get to decide how our car looks, what fuel we put in and our destination, don’t let society, trends or other people dictate that, otherwise you’ll have to spray paint your car every week trying to keep up with the fashion.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.  Focus on the interior.

3. KEEP YOUR HANDS ON YOUR OWN STEERING WHEEL

We need to give other people’s cars the same respect we give our own. We can’t jump in someone else’s car and talk about making changes, navigate their direction, or take possession of their car, nor should we let them do that to us.  Who cares if someone else has a rough paint job or needs new lights, that’s none of our business. If we’re judging other people’s cars, we’re actually insecure about our own. So keep the papers in your name, own that drivers seat and keep your hands on your own steering wheel.

4. DON’T GET IN THE CAR WITH STRANGERS

Some may try to lure you into their car with candy – usually love heart candies with affectionate words scribbled all over them.  Problem is, as soon as you eat the candy, the loving words and promises disappear.  Follow your parent’s advice. Don’t get into the car with strangers – especially if they offer you candy!

5. CHOOSE YOUR ROAD TRIP COMPANION WISELY

“Driving” can be one of life’s greatest pleasures. We can do it alone or with another. If we don’t have the right road trip companion, driving solo can actually be more enjoyable. We don’t want to be 30 minutes into a 15 hour road trip when we realize that our passenger is a pain in the neck! It’s much harder to kick someone out of the car once they’re buckled in for the ride and their luggage is in the trunk.

So choose your wingman wisely. It’s best to be friends first. Make sure you have the same values and you’re heading in the same direction. Otherwise your journey can be boring, tedious or totally agonizing. So communicate clearly what you’re looking for and be HONEST. That’s the only way to find out if you’re truly road trip compatible.Are you car-singing-compatible?

But I’m tired of driving alone” I hear you say! Don’t give up! Maybe you’ve put time and energy into getting to know someone and feel ready to car pool… but at the last minute you notice something feels off. If you overlook it and think “I don’t care, I’m tired of waiting, I just want to drive!”. DON’T, it’s not worth it. It’ll take longer to get the passenger out of your car than it will to find someone better suited to your road trip desires.

Wait for the Ultimate Wingman!

6. KNOW YOUR ENVIRONMENT

When we’re driving through exotic, dodgy or unknown areas, we must keep alert, trust our instincts, don’t get high or drunk, keep our wits about us. There are different rules for different environments and cultures, make sure you ask what they are. Brush up on local road rules and adjust your driving skills accordingly, you may even need to get a new license. Make sure you drive on the right side of the road… or the left… you know what I mean…

7. ENSURE JOY RIDES ARE JOYFUL

Can we jump in the passenger seat of someone else’s car and go for a joy ride? If we want to experiment, okay. But we must choose consciously who we get in the car with.

Make sure the driver is safe, that they’re not drunk or high, that they know what they’re doing behind the wheel and they care for your safety. Otherwise, don’t get in.

And don’t let them drive your car.  Joy ride drivers can take over the steering wheel, burn rubber until you’re out of fuel and leave you stranded in the middle of nowhere wondering why you let that douche bag drive your car in the first place… which bring us to…

8. BE FUEL EFFICIENT

It might seem fun to do burn outs and donuts in dodgy parking lots, but the fun only lasts for a few seconds before you start to feel nauseas. Not to mention the damage it does to your car and that you could potentially hurt someone. Once it’s over we can feel dizzy, empty and sick. It’s really not worth wasting the fuel.

9. KICK HIJACKERS TO THE CURB

Car Hijackers can be tricky, but they’re avoidable.  We don’t need to be afraid of them because when we trust our driver instincts, we can remove ourselves from potential dangerous situations before they occur.  But most of us weren’t taught defensive driving techniques, so here are some tips…

Hijackers may try to force their way into our car, they’ll break a window, lie, manipulate, charm, pick at our insecurities, they’ll do whatever it takes to get in.  If they get angry because we won’t let them in, that’s a clear sign that we should not let them in. So if something feels off, trust that feeling, say no thanks! and drive off.  When we’re confident and empowered behind the wheel, hijackers are more likely to move onto a car that looks easier to get into.

If a hijacker manages to break into your car, stay calm.  Just like spiders, they’re small and harmless if we don’t give into the fear. They’re more afraid of us than we are of them. So stay in your power and flick them out before they multiply.

If you didn’t realize until it was “too late” and a hijacker is setting up camp in your car, don’t worry, it’s never too late!  Push them out the door while the car’s still burning down the highway if you need to… do whatever it takes to get that hijacker out of the car!  Put the central locking on, speed off and don’t look back.

10. CLEAR OUT THE JUNK IN YOUR TRUNK

We’ve heard that if we leave junk in our car where criminals can see it, they’re more likely to break in.  Plus, there’s the danger that items may fly into the windscreen and obstruct your view! But it’s not just the visible junk we need to clear out, it’s the stuff hidden in the trunk that we don’t want to deal with.   If there’s old emotional junk in our trunk, it’ll affect the running of our car. Get in there and clean that crap out (with love) so you can enjoy a smooth, safe, enjoyable ride.

 

11. ACCIDENT RECOVERY

Drive safelyAccidents happen. Don’t get down on yourself. Taking risks is part of testing our boundaries and learning how to trust and navigate our instincts. There’s no need to feel shame or guilt, it’s just an opportunity to learn and become better drivers. Catch public transport for a while if you need.

To help you get back on the road, get assistance from an objective, professional driving instructor who knows the rules and can help guide you to safer choices in future. There may be a period of learning to drive again when you’ve lost control of the wheel, and that’s okay, just know that you’ll get it back. It’s just like riding a bike.

12. FOLLOW THE RULES

Road rules are not nasty authoritative parents who want to restrict our freedom, they’re not there to be a kill joy, or to make us late for work. They’re there to protect us. Because even if we get away “seemingly” unscathed, eventually our destructive driving catches up with us. Road safety rules give us a foundation to allow us to enjoy the ride, they actually help us have more fun!

When we’re confident behind the wheel, we can take long blissful road trips, cruising down the highway with the wind blowing (hehe) in our hair, singing along to our favorite song on the radio, with the afternoon sun beaming through the window, kissing our skin.

We won’t even feel the need for a passenger to enjoy the
ride… but it’s then that we drive by another car-lover who knows how to respect and care for their car, and in return, ours. And we drive side by side in blissful synchronicity for months, years, decades, a lifetime…

So don’t speed… take your time, especially when it’s wet. Be considerate of other drivers, stay in your own lane, don’t tail gate, always look in the rearview mirror, and don’t forget to pull on the hand break when you’re parked.  And most importantly… always trust your instincts!

… on your marks, get set… go!!!

…Beep beep!