I heard recently that forgiveness is the highest form of love. It stuck with me. I contemplated it. I wondered. I also wonder about love. What is love really? I don’t have that answer. I’m not sure who does?

Back to forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean you agree. It does not mean you condone certain behaviors. It does not mean you don’t set boundaries. It does not mean you don’t hurt – in the many forms hurt can manifest such as anger. Here it is important to be okay with paradox. Forgiveness, in my experience, is when you stop. You stop the “fight.” Maybe the fight is external with another or internal with another, or internal with yourself. One reaches deep within the heart to feel, listen, look, and to eventually open and release. It can be tricky. It seems true forgiveness is free of any “hooks.” An example of a hook would be resentment. We must feel it all to truly release and be able to forgive.

It might be easy, somewhat, to say we forgive, but in practice it is harder. We all know how we can say many things, but our actions show otherwise. We are in a month that highlights “love” with red and pink hearts. The word love, it seems, is loaded and/or overused. I see Valentine’s Day as an exclusionary holiday as it highlights “romantic love” which leaves many out. Romantic love is only one form of love. How can we celebrate love more inclusively?

I wonder if we were to switch out “love” being the theme for February to Forgiveness? What if we mindfully explored the places in us that are holding on to something that needs to be forgiven so we can finally be free? We shake off the shackles of that heavier energy and free up space for even more forgiveness and love to both receive and give. We make the world a freer and more peaceful place.

Many wisdom traditions speak of forgiveness. In Christianity we have “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do” as Jesus is about to die on the cross asking that his murderers be forgiven. Talk about a tall order. But Jesus is radical. Forgiveness is radical. (Perhaps almost counter-cultural as Hollywood seems to most often show revenge.) In the middle of the cross lies Jesus the human, and in the middle of the human is the heart. It is said, in Buddhist teachings, that the heart is where heaven and earth meet. This seems mighty symbolic. The human heart seems to have an untapped capacity and vastness. A pointer to something beyond. Forgiveness is a key to this potential of the heart. It may not be the only key, but a significant one.

What would happen if we did not retaliate via violence but with forgiveness instead? How would many lives be transformed? How many less wars fought? I can’t help but wonder. I think there’s truth that forgiveness is a high form of love. The highest? I can’t claim to know. I do know in my experience that there is – without a doubt- a great power in forgiveness. Maybe even a superpower. Forgiveness February. It has a nice ring to it, wouldn’t you say?

This will be my practice in this cold winter month. To experiment with forgiveness as a key to unlocking more space for love. Love that is beyond sentimentality or candy or flowers. Love that is infinitely deep and real. I wonder what would happen if we traded out Valentine’s Day and instead created community rituals – inclusive circles – that focused on forgiveness – what might happen? I certainly think it would be a worthy experiment. In my opinion, we need more events focused on meaningful community as so many are starving for connection and real belonging. Forgiveness is an essential step to opening our hearts to receive and give and make true space for others.

May it be so.