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One of the most powerful tools that can influence whether you continue to be angry or whether you do reduce anger’s hold over you is your internal language.

I define internal language as the nonverbal language used to express feelings, define people and circumstances, play out internal scenarios, and formulate plans to address real-life situations.

Everyone with a functioning brain uses internal language. Unless you have suffered traumatic brain injury or some other neurological disorder, or if you are in a coma, you are speaking internally. This occurs when you think. You think with language. Words are strung together to produce a thought. Those words can explain what we are thinking and feeling, and at times, they can direct our thoughts and actions.

Typically, you spend a significantly greater amount of time in your own mind than you do in the external world. If you are spending a large amount of your internal time with negative language, it creates a negative version of yourself, and it influences you to live that way. When, however, you learn to use language to be a positive thinker, it becomes an ally for you. You are what you think, so you need to be thinking healthy thoughts, as you will see as we proceed.

We use language to state and clarify our positions and opinions, to connect with others, and to gain information in a wide variety of formats. We can instill fear with our words, or we can express love. We can speak from our hearts, or we can lie through our teeth. We can draw people in, or we can push them way out. We can use language to educate, or we can use it to confuse. We can speak with straightforwardness, or we can be conniving and manipulative. Language is one of the more powerful tools you will use as your life unfolds, and it has a tremendous influence regarding whether you will be an angry person, or not.

The Inner Voice

Language is a powerful internal influencer. You use language to communicate with yourself, just as you do with others. Language is not only the byproduct of what you think, it also helps to create, define, and redefine the way you think. An angry person is more likely to have negative thoughts. If your internal language is negative about yourself, the people in your life, or your environment, you may come to believe what you are thinking and may adopt that as the default way you think about others, the world you are living in, and yourself. 

If, however, you make a conscious effort to talk to yourself using positive language, your words can help you create positive feelings about yourself. The way you think and the way you feel are so intimately interwoven. Likewise, the way you think and feel usually equals the way you behave. So, the language you use, primarily with yourself, will eventually translate into who you are, and how you represent yourself to the rest of the world.

Language doesn’t only describe what your brain thinks and feels, it often tells your brain what to think and feel. Language can tell your brain to feel good about something or someone, or it can define your world using aggressive and negative terminology. Sometimes those thoughts are consciously applied, but over time, the way you speak to yourself can become your personal linguistic autopilot. These undercurrents of linguistic thought have much to do with the way you think about yourself and others. Past undercurrents of anger create an internal language that, though it may not focus specifically on those past events, uses that negative energy to create an internal dialogue that can be negative and angry. 

Positive internal language, conversely, paves the way for the type of thinking that coincides with a positive self-image, respect for others, and a productive way of living that sets the stage for warm and loving relationships and personal productivity. It is not influenced by past traumas and angry undercurrents and routinely attempts to access positive energy. Positive internal language looks at the brighter side and always attempts to arrive at solutions to life problems.

The Internal High Road

Let’s explore the angry thought-to-action-to-thought cycle. You may have had a problem with anger for a reasonable amount of time, maybe all your life. You are supporting your angry lifestyle with an internal dialogue that is also angry. What would happen if you begin to make changes to that internal dialogue? Specifically, what would happen if you begin to train your brain to stay away from angry statements and conversations, and replace them with a dialogue that is a bit more positive?

For as long as you have been using angry internal language, you have provided your mind with the time it takes to adjust to this linguistic format and the angry actions that may follow. Your brain did not simply begin to speak in angry terms, and you began to display angry behaviors. This has been a neurological training program that you have provided for your brain, and your brain will learn what you want it to do, and help you live in that style of life.

The method you need to use to stop the cycle is to retrain your brain to think in ways that are not angry. This is a two-step process:

>> As angry thoughts enter your mind, consciously say, “I am not going to think about this, and then shut down that thought.”

>> It is important to replace the angry thought with something more positive like a statement that describes something positive in your life, or where you are at that time.

The approach seems simple, but when you think about it, this is exactly the opposite of what you have been doing for so long. Initially, you began to think angry thoughts and did not challenge those thoughts. Your mind may have developed simple angry statements into much longer angry internal conversations. To reverse the process of continuing to think angry thoughts, the logical first step is to quickly stop your mind from thinking that particular thought. Instead of developing it, you terminate it. Expect it to start all over again, sometimes very soon. When that happens, you simply repeat the process. In the beginning, you will be doing this over and over again. As your mind adjusts, and it will, you will be doing it less often.

To help your mind adjust to its new way of thinking, you do want to replace the thought you are terminating with something more positive. This allows your mind to not only stop thinking the angry thought, but it also directs your mind to a new thought that doesn’t have the angry overtones. You are asking your mind to produce positive linguistic energy. Performing these two steps repeatedly over time can help you train your brain to move away from negative thinking, replace it with more productive thoughts, and help you reduce the urge to turn angry thinking into angry behavior.

Doing this will not change much initially. The key to any training format, one that is designed to help you learn a new approach, is something I have been teaching for many years. Learning is a function of repetition over time. You are not going to change your angry thinking quickly. Angry thoughts do not begin to occur overnight, and you will not change them quickly either. As your mind needs time to adjust to your angry language, it also needs time to adjust to the new approach you are going to use. How much time it takes depends on how intense your angry language is, how often you use it, how often it gives way to angry behaviors, and how committed you are to changing it. However, if you remain committed to repeating these two steps consistently, your brain’s learning time can be significantly reduced.

To help you replace angry thoughts with positive thinking, it is a good idea to write down a list of all the positive people and things in your life. Sometimes, when you are involved in angry thoughts, it can be difficult to turn your attention to something more positive. Writing down a list of positive people and things in your life can make that thought transition just a bit easier. Another way to help you with this part of the process is to look around the room or the environment you are currently in and find anything you can say something positive about. It could be a nice car, the way someone is dressed, a flower, or the way another person goes out of their way to be nice to you.

Your goal is to reduce the amount of angry thinking as much as you possibly can. Not only does angry thinking potentially turn into angry behavior, but it also keeps you in a negative frame of mind. Another advantage of learning how to change your internal dialogue into a more positive presentation is that when you reduce your anger, your body will feel that much better. Almost all of us talk about wanting to be happier, healthier, and at peace in our world. 

Reducing the amount of angry dialogues you use each day is a huge step for you as you begin to change not only the way you think, but the way you behave. Physically your body will feel better, emotionally, you will reduce the overwhelming feelings you are experiencing, intellectually you will experience more clarity, and spiritually, you will find it easier to connect with the deeper parts of yourself. Try to let go of the angry thoughts. Focus on a positive internal dialogue. If you do, your brain will adjust, and your life will change.

Five Steps To Help You Improve Your Internal Dialogue

>> Keep an informal log of how often you think angry thoughts, and how involved they become. This will help you understand what you were doing and may give you some information regarding why it is happening.

>> Make a list of all the positive people and things in your life. Study that list, and commit it to memory if you can.

>> Each day, as angry thoughts begin, tell yourself I am not going to continue thinking about this. This will help you begin to redirect your thought process.

>> To redirect your thoughts, focus on your list of positive people and things in your life, or what you can see around you. Replace the angry thoughts with something positive.

>> If you are unable to stop thinking angry thoughts, it might be because you are struggling with obsessive thinking. The inability to stop the angry thoughts because you are obsessing suggests that you may need help. Make an appointment with a counselor. This will help you work your way through what is causing you to use negative internal language.

Driving It Home

Anger can change the way you feel about yourself, and put you in a position to believe that it will never change. Past angry episodes may have created relationship problems and other forms of collateral damage. This may cause you to believe that you are not worthy of the good things life has to offer. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Take the time to retrain your brain. Allow your mind to stop thinking angry thoughts, and replace them with a more positive way to think. If you do, in time, you may find the peace you have always been looking for.

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