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I keep thinking about the things that I want my son to know when he grows up.

He’s 13 months old now and every time I look at him I try to predict what he will look like or what physical features he will have as an adult.

I also try to imagine his personality type. Will he be quiet and reserved or the life of the party at home and among his friends?

Although I can’t be sure who he’ll turn out to be, I know that my job as a mother is to help him develop good character and values. I would like him to learn the importance of kindness, empathy, and respect. Telling the truth never goes out of fashion and taking responsibility is of utmost importance. When he’s 18, I would like to see the values we have taught him instilled in him.

I’m sure our own parents did the best they could with what they knew. However, sometimes I think about all the things that no one told us about when we were younger and ready to navigate life’s challenges.

The truth is we weren’t equipped with the right emotional and mental tools when we were exposed to new aspects of life and building our path into adulthood.

We had to learn from our own mistakes and try again and again. We had to gather the lessons and dissect them so we could determine the best path forward. I know my son will also learn from his own mistakes, and although I’ll always be his backbone, I know I can’t always protect him…but I can guide him.

Today I came across this post on Instagram:

 

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A post shared by Gigi | Parenting (@mom.ma.g)

“Teach your child that someone not liking them, doesn’t mean they need to try harder or change who they are to gain approval. ‘It’s not our job to make others like us. It’s our job to like ourselves.'” ~ Christine Derengowski

I sighed when I read it. I paused for a few moments and mentally revisited my past that was filled with people-pleasing behaviors. Since I was a child, I was the good girl who always got good grades and gold stars. I was the good girl at home, at school…everywhere. I was the good girl because I wanted to be loved, accepted, respected.

Throughout the years, I had to reinvent myself many times so I could be loved, and sadly, I wasn’t always genuinely loved because fitting in was my sole priority.

I wish someone had told me that it was okay not to be liked. For me, being disliked meant failure. But now I understand that being disliked means that I’m true to myself and not everyone is going to like it. I want to teach my son that not everyone will resonate with him, and that’s okay.

He doesn’t need to change anything about himself for the sake of others. He doesn’t need to “try harder.”

And I know that this starts with me, here, at home. The love and self-confidence and validation that he might grow up seeking are my responsibility right now.

What I offer him today is going to shape how he views himself tomorrow.

Teaching him to like himself first will also help him to attract genuine friends and lovers. It will increase his confidence and self-esteem. When we have a positive view of ourselves, we feel capable. And that’s so beautiful.

~