{*Did you know you can write on Elephant? Here’s how—big changes: How to Write & Make Money or at least Be of Benefit on Elephant. ~ Waylon}

Thousands of relationships are at stake every minute of every day.

The reason everyone now feels like they’re fighting for their partnership is because, as human beings, it is so damn difficult to face problems head-on.

Most times we are running on autopilot in the relationship, focusing on the things we should do instead of the wrong ones we should avoid.

But is it really our fault? We live in a world where we have been programmed to think that love is sufficient to sustain a relationship—that it will automatically keep two people together. Sometimes we forget that relationships take effort, intention, and work. Love brings us together, but it can’t keep us together.

What keeps us together is the willingness to take a long, hard look at the way we behave in our relationship and admit that we aren’t perfect. However, our connection expands only if we acknowledge how toxic our imperfection is. It can ruin any healthy relationship if we don’t take the necessary steps to examine it.

Every day we do things that hurt us and others. So many relationships end because of some behaviors that we could have avoided. Having said that, our partnership may have long-term potential—if we’re willing to do the work.

Here are six habits that are toxic and negatively impact our commitment to each other:

1. Comparison. When we compare our romantic relationship or partner to others, a sense of pessimism takes over and we feel we aren’t happy in our relationship (even if we are). Focus on what you have because that’s the only thing that matters.

2. Avoiding conflict. Perfect relationships are beautiful…and don’t exist. Forget about perfection and pay attention to the conflicts when they arise. Having fights every now and then is healthy and essential in love. Occasional arguments strengthen the relationship’s foundation and encourage honesty and the preservation of boundaries.

3. Refusing to deal with unresolved tension. I know we don’t like to revisit old hurts because, well, it’s painful, and it’s in the past. But sometimes the past makes way for a successful future—only if we’re willing to heal the wounds before they fester. Unresolved tension slowly creates resentment, which deeply hurts both partners.

4. Making false assumptions. This habit is detrimental as it can disrupt the flow of our connection, leaving us feeling abandoned and unworthy. Our false assumptions block the ability to understand our partner’s story, needs, and behaviors. Always revert to communication when you feel that your mind is making up a story that’s not entirely true.

5. Needing to win every argument. When it comes to intimate relationships, we must learn to choose our battles wisely. Even if we think we are right all the time, we need to resist the urge to “win.” Instead of wanting to be right, focus on solving the problem, which might encourage active listening and empathy.

6. Neglecting our partner’s needs. This destructive habit can leave us feeling unloved and unworthy. We must pay attention to our partner’s physical and mental needs and attune to their emotional well-being. If we don’t, our partner might feel alone in the relationship, which can create further emotional disruptions.

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