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{*Did you know you can write on Elephant? Here’s how—big changes: How to Write & Make Money or at least Be of Benefit on Elephant. ~ Waylon}

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Let’s take a little test to see how well you accept a compliment.

Think back to the last time someone said, “Great job in that meeting” or “I love you new shoes.”

Did you:

1. Shrink into yourself and shrug it off by saying, “It was no big deal.”

2. Feel a warm pleasant sensation and say, “Thank you.”

3. Agree and with an open heart, feel seen, and respond with something like, “I did didn’t I.”

There’s no right or wrong here. Taking a compliment can be hard. When I receive a compliment, I don’t want to sound vain or entitled by saying, “Yes, thank you, I know.” I also don’t want to sound ungrateful or dismissive by saying, “Oh yeah, that.It’s no big deal. I’m surprised you even noticed.”

Most of us land somewhere in the middle when it comes to receiving compliments, but my guess is most of us don’t think much about how we respond to praise. In fact, how you accept compliments is a window into your self-worth.

I hated to be seen and kept energetic barriers up to prevent people from catching me being vulnerable, so for most of my life, I did not take compliments well. I liked when people told me I did a good job or had a knack for something, but I didn’t know how to accept it. When someone noticed me and complimented (or even commented) on something I did, I felt squirmy. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. Being seen felt icky, like the person complimenting me could see me fully exposed and naked.

It was when I started working on loving myself that I noticed how much compliments bothered me. I learned that the part of me that wasn’t open to taking a compliment was the part of me that didn’t think I was worthy.

Developing self-worth, a beginning.

Self-worth comes from within. It is knowing that we are worthy just for being here. I do not need to earn worthiness. It doesn’t come from others. It comes from within myself.

Building my self-worth was a slow process. I worked with my thoughts and did inner child and parts work to reprogram limiting beliefs. When a negative thought popped into my head, I learned to ask “who is saying that?” and not latch onto the thought as truth.

Here are some practices I used to build self-worth:

>> Meditation: this helped me learn that I am the thinker of my thoughts not my thoughts.

>> Journaling: this allowed unconscious beliefs to flow through me onto paper and out of my mind.

>> Breath: breathing brings us into the present moment, where we are whole and can live as our true selves.

>> Nature: getting into nature is both humbling and grounding.

>> Noticing: my thoughts, my surroundings, my feelings. Noticing is a form of slowing down.

>> Gratitude: being grateful helps reprogram our mind to see the beauty, big and small, and this helps us open our hearts.

>> Compliment others: this helped me get comfortable with the language of compliments and allowed me to open my heart and notice how others receive them.

>> Heart chakra opening: I started getting curious about how open my heart was when I was in different situations or with different people. I practiced opening my heart space to receive more love when I felt safe and closing it when I was unsure.

An exercise in worthiness.

Remember a time you felt worthy or if you can’t conjure up a memory, imagine what it would feel like to be worthy. Journal or meditate on what it would feel like if you were worthy. How do you or will you know you are worthy? What does worthiness feel like in your body?

Practice makes perfect.

Self-worth is key to our growth. To accept a compliment, feel your heart space open and allow yourself to be seen. This can feel vulnerable and awkward at first. If you are used to saying “Oh this old thing” when someone compliments your outfit, notice that you do it and try saying a simple “thank you.” The more you practice openly accepting praise, the more you teach yourself that you are worthy.

Learning to accept compliments is a practice of self-love. Let kind words land and feel your heart expand.

This might take some work—and that’s okay. There’s no reason to judge or shame yourself for how you accept compliments. Noticing and making a note to change your reaction next time are great first steps.

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