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Ever notice how we sometimes get caught doing things on autopilot—mindlessly scrolling, grabbing snacks late at night, checking our email way too often—then wonder, “Why am I even doing this?”

It’s like we’re filling time with these random little actions. But here’s the thing: most of what we do has a purpose we’re not even aware of, often tied to calming ourselves down or trying to feel just a bit more in control.

So much of our day-to-day behavior is about self-soothing, a way to keep things steady, even if it doesn’t always make sense. Our actions are like a little “reset button” we press to feel okay again. Think of it like a thermostat that’s always working to keep us comfortable—our minds constantly guide us to do things that seem like they’ll keep us steady.

When we’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed, we might start browsing our social feeds or refreshing emails just to feel some sense of normalcy. We’re not actually tackling the deeper issue; we’re just looking for something that brings us down a notch. (Trust me, I’ve lost count of the times I’ve turned to mindless scrolling for that quick comfort fix.)

Sometimes, though, these actions become “quick fixes.” Maybe they feel good in the moment, but they don’t really solve anything. Let’s say you’re dealing with a work deadline and find yourself diving into your inbox every five minutes. It seems like you’re staying on top of things, but really, the constant checking might be adding to the tension rather than easing it.

So how do we start to understand what’s actually behind these habits?

Try pausing and asking yourself, “What am I hoping to feel right now?” It might turn out you’re craving comfort, a break from stress, or a sense of control. This little check-in gives us a chance to choose actions that address our needs more directly.

If you’re scrolling out of loneliness, maybe a quick call to a friend could feel more satisfying. If you’re stress eating, maybe a quick walk or even a few deep breaths would help calm your mind without the sugar rush. (And, believe me, I know that feeling all too well.)

Understanding our actions this way can help us go a bit easier on ourselves. It’s not about labeling everything as “good” or “bad”—just getting curious. Why am I doing this? What am I trying to feel? These small questions help us see our habits without judgment and steer ourselves toward choices that actually help us feel steady.

Next time you find yourself in the middle of one of these habits, take a moment to pause. Remind yourself that you’re just trying to feel okay, to feel safe, even if it’s in small ways.

Little by little, we can start making choices that genuinely bring us the calm we’re looking for. It’s less about changing who we are and more about understanding what we really need, one choice at a time.

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