{*Did you know you can write on Elephant? Here’s how—big changes: How to Write & Make Money or at least Be of Benefit on Elephant. ~ Waylon}

We’re the ones who live inside their heads.

It is both a blessing and a curse to dwell on thoughts that are rooted in worry and rumination.

Sometimes they hinder our ability to connect with others because we’re almost always lost in thought. More often than not, they also hinder our ability to connect with our partner.

Being in a relationship with an overthinker is no easy feat, but it’s not impossible. Our excessive thoughts might lead to unnecessary arguments and plenty of miscommunication, but deep inside we know that we might have misinterpreted a word or an action.

It’s not hard to love us. Because guess what? Overthinking is not the saboteur of love; if used wisely, it can be our superpower. I’m an overthinker and I know that my increased anxiety negatively impacts my partner and our connection. But I also know that my anxiety has saved my relationship more times than I’d like to remember.

Maybe it’s because I deeply care about every single detail and…overthink it. Critical thinking and problem-solving are my best features. That’s why when I accidentally create conflicts, I intentionally resolve them—with empathy and an open heart. I have honest, clear conversations and secretly hope to receive the same kind of support that I offer to my partner.

The truth is overthinkers need an insane amount of emotional support. We’re not proud of that, but we’re not ashamed either. We know what we want, and that’s exactly what makes us…not-so-hard to love. All we want is someone to understand that our chronic overthinking is not something that needs fixing.

I’m not broken, and you’re not either. So please, stop trying to fix us. Because we rarely take impulsive decisions or seek out wrong information, our partner thinks we’re less than happy. They think that our thoughts are negative and we’re profoundly wounded. But we’re just doing what we do best.

We want our partner to love us as we are—flaws and all. We want to strengthen our relationship with them because we know what we can bring to it. There is nothing wrong with us and our minds aren’t too difficult to understand.

If you are wondering how to love us, consider the following tips:

>> Talk to us. Don’t go MIA when you see us disconnected. Your words—even if you don’t carefully choose them—are more comforting than your silence. Be there for us.

>> Our disconnection is not distance. We’re not intentionally trying to torture you. We’re not sending you any subliminal messages. We’re simply operating on autopilot because of the intrusive thoughts in our minds.

>> We dwell (too much) on things. We don’t like it, but we can’t really control it. So please help us to move on. We promise to cooperate.

>> Give us the space we need. Overthinking is mentally and physically tiring, and sometimes we need a short break from the world to center ourselves and recharge.

>> Try to understand us better…instead of trying to fix us. We’re not “sad,” “angry,” “depressed,” or “negative.” We just have an intricate thought process, and we’re willing to share it with you—if you’re willing to be patient with us.

>> Tell us how you feel.

>> Tell us to talk. (We will.)

>> Tell us it will be okay.

~