I read something, which reminded me of some folks I’ve met over the years: those who regret.

When we live an honest and true existence with ourselves, we’re living full out!

Regret has no place.

The outcome of what we do isn’t as important, as having fully expressed ourselves.

We can get stuck in a rut, as though our feet are encased in cement; staying stuck for years, afraid to move.

We may become afraid to do any of the following:

> Express how we really feel
> Speak up when we know it’s an opportunity we want
> Choose happiness, instead of staying with the known
> Be connected, deeply and intimately to others
> Live by choices that show who we truly are in this life

The rut is a choice.

Stay with the familiar feeling of discomfort, depression or settling and pretty soon the rut, becomes the rest of our lives.

It’s hard to break out of the rut. Especially when we’ve made choices that work for others, but not for ourselves. Many times decisions are made for what we believe is the benefit of others, when in essence they’re made to remain in this familiar holding pattern.

We hold onto our identity as the good guy or good girl, but inside we are dying or dead.

Releasing ourselves from what we believe others have grown to expect of us does not have to be dramatic. It may be painful or create change. It’s better than a lifetime of pain and regret caused by sacrificing to make someone else happy or holding to a false identity.

We’re not responsible nor all-powerful to control the moods, emotions and feelings of others. Spending time manipulating circumstances to appear to be a certain type of person or to get our way, is a misnomer. We can’t control others’ feeling about us, and end up regretting all that wasted time.

Regret comes from spending time in relationships that no longer serve us; acting in ways that are expected, giving up our dreams for excuses, and basically letting fear drive, while courage takes a backseat.

How many times have we heard: “I wish I’d left sooner,” or “Why didn’t I say what I really wanted to say?” or “I love you, marry me.” There’s a longer list, which we can beat ourselves up with, unless we make a decision right now to live our true existence.

Tips for trashing regret:

1. Get out of any relationship you’re in, which makes you feel any of the following:

> You’re settling
> You have no feelings of love, only habit
> You’re sacrificing yourself to appear to be a good girl or guy
> Remaining is making someone else happy and you miserable
> It feels like a sense of duty

No excuses. Talk to this person today, be honest and kind. Some people may want to hold on, because of their own fear of change, but in the end, none of us deserve to be in something where one party is not authentically there for love, et al. Leaving gives everyone a chance to not settle for less and to find other opportunities.

2. Start Lovin’ Change

Embrace it, because your fear of the unknown is mainly keeping you here. Go through your feelings of emotional inertia, dead/numb space, and any other form of emotional handcuffs holding you back and dive in! Accept that when you live from your own truth, change happens. Appreciate it!

3. Choose happiness

Get rid of the warm blanket of living in the comfort of misery, complacency and fear of disappointment. Chuck it! Start training yourself to just enjoy. Even if circumstances suck, find that peaceful space, because you are alive and breathing, you’re lucky! Stop making choices that you don’t want to, because it ensures familiar misery. You always have a choice, so use it.

4. Express Love Through Words and Actions

You’ll never regret it, if it’s how you feel. Fear can hold love in, creating disease, anxiety and all sorts of unwelcome stuff. If you love someone, don’t just tell them…show them! If you keep choosing to hide or run, just know you’re choosing regret.

Stand still for a moment. What do you want? Love, right? So go for it…before it’s too late.

5. Live your passions and your dreams

It doesn’t matter how old you are or how long it’s been since you’ve done anything toward your dreams or your passions. Start now. Get out of your own way of thinking, what you do will suck, be unworthy or a waste of time. It’s about living not dying, so participate in your passion, now. 

6. Express it all

Be a living painting of who you are, when you have something to say, “say it.” The only who’ll regret not saying the truth is you. Don’t like drama? Then express yourself!

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Ed: Bryonie Wise