I’m single this Christmas and New Year’s Eve.

…Well, at least I’m expecting to be.

Both holidays are only weeks away as I write this, and I’ve made zero attempt to meet anyone. Okay, I did run into someone randomly recently, but that didn’t pan out…so, single it is! It’s too close to these significant holidays to put myself out there now, I think. Too much pressure. I wonder what my excuse will be in “Just Me January?”

This morning I was surfing the Internet for something funny to post to my Facebook wall. I love to make people laugh. I found this:

I posted it and asked my friends to help me come up with lyrics to finish the song. A friend of mine who once did stand-up comedy and often cracks me up came up with this:

Dashing through the mall
By myself once more this day
There’s a cute guy over there
But he’ll prolly turn out gay
My internal bells all ring
My libido gets a rise
I need some fun, I need a man
To get in between my thighs
Oh
Single Bells
Single Bells
Single all the way
It’s no fun to be forced to ride
My own toys on Christmas Day

Standing O?

We’ll have to change up the lyrics to fit all demographics, but I think I’ll hum this one to myself through the big days.

~

Okay, for serious: lonely? Relephant reads:

> Lonely? Don’t fill the space. Breathe the cold, sweet air in deeply.

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Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photos: elephant journal media archives, 9gag.com

Lyrics: Tim Morgan