1. I need to teach our 2 year old son that his 1 week old brother can’t catch a football, let alone kick a field goal.

2. My meals now consist of what our 2 year old decides to not finish eating on his plate.

3. It’s just me and my little men sitting here watching ESPN… wait! My husband and sons have corrupted me! I’m supposed to be watching ‘A Baby Story’ or ‘Oprah!’

4. I never understood how my mom could eat soggy cereal until now. This morning I found myself nursing one son, feeding the other and forgot about my cereal. Now I’m eating soggy cereal. Not to mention cold dinners.

5. Do girdles really help your stomach get back into shape or do I need to continue exercising? Great-Granny says to wear the girdle 24-7. My back is killing me!

6. I’m not sure when I can wear white again? I think I’ll wear black for the rest of my life.

7. Our newborn is sleeping longer through the night which is good, but now my breasts get engorged… I now know what bad breast implants feel like.

8. Our 5 week old is wearing size 3-6 months clothing. It’s either genetics, the dryer is shrinking our kids clothes, or they just don’t make clothes like they used to?

9. You know you’re close to your mother-in-law when she tells you to get a better bra. Better yet, she takes off her bra in that moment and gives it to you to wear for better support. Frankly, the girls aren’t like they used to be.

10. They need to invent a nursing bra that doesn’t cause leakage. These little circle pads don’t do the trick. So, I’m wearing towels instead like my mom suggested.

11. I think the leakage of milk on my clothes could fill up at least 3 bottles. Darn it, what a waste!

12. I stopped responding to work emails while on maternity leave when a colleague sent me a deadline to email her back.

13. During the check-out at the hospital, they asked my husband and me to fill out paperwork before taking our newborn home. There was a signature line for ‘Parents signature,’ so I gave the form to my mom.

14. It only took 2 months for all of us (me, my husband, and two sons) to end up sleeping in the same bed together. Thank goodness for California Kings!

15. The best job title I’ll ever have is Mom; Lord knows I’ve earned that title!

Version published in Southwest Parenting Magazine