I want it all.

I want to live this life with passion in my heart and love in my hands. I want to pull experience deep inside and scream like a hurt panther when I give it birth. I want the primal dance of desire to light up my hips and move my feet and put fire in my eyes.

I want need to singe my eyelashes until I cannot blink.

I want to learn where I am strong and how I am weak. I want to crawl deep into the cave of my soul and move with the shadows. I want to dig deeper than I ever have until my nails bleed and my knees crack. I want to find the hole inside beyond any I have known and see what hides, what lives, what’s died.

I want to build my dreams on a leaf and let the winds take them into the sky and beyond the moon. I want to let go of all I know. I want mystery to wrap its hands around my throat and throttle me till I no longer breathe.

I want to breathe. I want to breathe in the Prana of life and love and move the energy from my heart into every corner of my being. I want to bow my head to shame and strip myself of guilt. I want to shred all I believe until thought is nothing but a wisp on a whim of not knowing.

I want to know myself. I want to know who I am in every way. I want to know why I cry. I want to know when I laugh. I want to understand why grief is my best friend. I want to understand how I celebrate my life by doing what I love and loving what I do. I want to know why I love and how come it feels so easy to me.

I want to know every crack in my heart and draw every scar. I want to watch my heart break open until blood blinds me and see how it grows when it closes. I want to know.

I want to grow the wings of an eagle. I want to soar. I want to know I can kill when I want and what I want and feed my need. I want life to beat itself out of me until I meet the Phoenix living in my womb. I want fire to burn me alive.

I want to offer my ashes. I want to give it all. I want to live until I die and die to born again. I want to give this from folded hands on bent knees. I want to be free.

~

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Editor: Rachel Nussbaum

Photo: elephant Journal