As I watched everything else shrink, my boobs were only becoming more and more noticeable—at least to myself.

Shortly after losing a few pounds, I noticed my body was slimmer but my bust size remained the same. My 5’3″ body that was now 15 pounds lighter made my DD’s look like they could be E’s. I realized, the more weight I lost, the more likely my boobs were only going to look larger. Bathing suits were still going to remain embarrassing and some clothing stores will always be impossible to fit into.

I immediately began to feel frustrated. If I was being 100% honest with myself—reducing my breast size was the initial inspiration for me to lose weight in the first place.

I decided I was going to start saving for a breast augmentation.

During the course of a year of losing weight and changing my diet, I had slowly grown an obsession with my breasts, and my obsession was generating emotions of unhappiness towards my body image. I had invested a significant amount of time in trying to reduce the size smaller naturally, yet I saw no results. I needed to find an option that would turn my negative body image into a positive one. Surgery seemed like the most effective option I had.

The more I put the thought into my head, the more I justified myself saving thousands of dollars to modify my body, and how it would be money well spent.

That was until I slipped.

It was about mid-June and a group of us were discussing bathing suits. Without even thinking I began blabbing about my frustration and dissatisfaction of how another year of unsuccessful bathing suit shopping passed me by.

Expressing my dissatisfaction towards my body image only created emotions of insecurity by others who also felt insecure with their body—whether is was pertaining to the same body part or not.

Have you ever complained about your boobs in public? Often regarding our displeased expression of whether our boobs are too large or too small in proportion to our body size? Then, once we initially express our displeasure, we instantly feel overwhelmed with guilt that we may have inhibited a negative persona for someone else in the group with which to identify. 

Then I started seeing things from a different perspective. I hadn’t realized that small-breasted women also felt the same frustration that I did.

Even the majority of the women (who felt somewhere in between too large and too small) felt the same frustrations.

I had created a vicious cycle in regard to body image that was shaped around opinions that weren’t even mine, but the media’s.

I suppose it’s easy to blame advertisers for only displaying women who have the most uncommon body type in billboards, magazines and television commercials throughout our lives. Yet, as we age into womanhood, we only have ourselves to blame for succumbing to the thoughts of media rather than thinking for ourselves. Just because the media claims one specific body image is ideal, doesn’t mean we have to agree with their opinion. The media may take the reins to form opinions formulated by one group of people to send their one and only message to the public, but that doesn’t mean we have to agree with them.

Finding a body that fits exact proportions is a rarity.

Unless we’ve put the subject into perspective on how this message relates to the bigger picture, until we’ve implemented all the possible commentary, viewpoints and opinions on the subject that haven’t been written across the headlines, we are not properly formulating a genuine perspective on the subject. Without those components we are simply agreeing with a single opinion we’ve been given without outweighing our own opinions.

I spent months, possibly a year complaining about my breasts, only for it to take this one quick moment to realize how petty the situation was. I was spreading the opinion of the media rather than expressing my own. I was agreeing that the perfect body is composed of the proportions that have the smallest threshold, even though I didn’t necessarily believed that.

I appreciated the beauty of being different, yet I found myself agreeing to the media’s opinions without expanding the my own mind. I simplified my opinions to what I was being told by advertisers and companies.

The entire time we believe we’re trying to fix our bodies to please ourselves, we are actually only pleasing the voice of the media that told us that we’re suppose to look a specific way. We succumb to the media’s opinion when we complain about our body image, instead of voicing that a body that goes outside the standards of model standards is beautiful.

So ladies, before we start complaining about our breast size (or any body part of insecurity), keep in mind the message we are sending. Let’s ask ourselves if it’s genuine to our thoughts and opinions or if we’re simply generating the same information that has been handed to us by more influential voices.

The moment we disconnect from the ideas that we’ve been told and think for ourselves is the moment we can realize the beauty in our bodies, and the bodies around us—even if they don’t meet the standards set by the media.

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Apprentice Editor: Alicia Wozniak/Editor: Renée Picard

Photo: David Thomas/pixoto