“If life can remove someone, you never dreamed of losing, it can replace them with someone you never dreamt of having.”

~ Unknown

This quote got me thinking and I began to write this post.

What do you do when you have been consumed with hurt?

What do you do when a loved one shuns you? What do you do when things can never be the same again? Do you feel sad? Do you play the events in your mind and think what could you have done better?

Things happen that consume us with anger, sadness, despair and regret.

Life has its own way of hurling situations at us. Many things have happened to me that have left me consumed with sadness and guilt, but the day I decided to let go, I found it liberating. I found it easier to move on and be happier. I am sharing my seven step mantra that makes it easier for me to move on when the going gets tough.

Changing the perception:

This was one of the first things that I did to be able to move on. I looked at incidents as a stepping stone to understand an underlying situation. Changing the perception I had about the situation helped me look at an incident in a  different way. I took off those blinkers to understand a situation better.

Choosing to meditate:

When I meditated I was able to channelize my thoughts as positive ones and it made me dwell lesser on things that upset me. What is more important is that it helped me live in the present. Deep breathing always helps to clear the head and get rid of the accumulated negative energies. Try it! It helped me focus on things that I could control instead of what I could not.

Letting go of memories:

Yes, I know some memories blind me on a day when I least expect it and the feelings and emotions come flooding back. Fresh as a daisy. I learned to let go of the memories completely because all it caused was agony and pain to me. Letting go of memories that caused hurt was helping me de-clutter my mind to fill it with happier memories instead.

Letting go of the anger:

When things upset me, I tend to get angry, almost on the border of not thinking straight. This one is probably the most difficult of the seven step mantra I follow. I need to feel that pain and anger fully before letting it go.  Bottling it up would always leak loads of negativity around me. I chose to let go to be able to live in peace and let others live in peace too!

Forgiving and moving on:

This step is the second hardest step for me to follow. Forgive and forget was not really my cup of tea. I lived in resentment only to realize that the person I was resenting had no clue what was going on in my mind! I was responsible for causing the hurt and anger that was known only to me. I started practicing a forgiveness exercise. I wrote down things that upset me and make me sad. Writing it down makes half the problems vanish. I burned or tore the paper and felt lighter almost instantly.

Learning to manage my expectations:

I stopped expecting and thinking what I would get in return for anything that I did. I began to experience situations with an open mind and understanding and learning from them rather than having set notions of what I should be expecting. It made me less disappointed and more happy. 

Developing a closure:

I believe that each experience, good or bad, teaches me something. When I accepted what it taught me, there was closure and I was able to worry less! It also helped me stop focusing on what I lost. I looked at it as an experience that helped me gain knowledge on how to handle a situation better.

Being happy:

Being responsible for my own happiness: The most important of all that I learned was to let go of the need to depend on others for my happiness. I learned to love myself and believe that I was responsible for my happiness.

You know what is easier? Choosing your own happiness and not seeking it in other people!  We don’t need to change so that people like us; when we are ourselves, the right people will love us! 

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Editor: Renée Picard/TravisMay

Photo: Mitya Ku at Flickr