August 7, 2014

Painting the Walls of My Prison. ~ Marion Neubronner {Poem}

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I am trapped in a metaphysical prison I carry everywhere I go.

It is deceivingly large so I assume I am free, yet a nagging feeling tells me I am not.
If I allow myself to fall into its allure, I am mostly happy.
I forget I am in a prison
Yet recently, I cannot help myself; I see through the cracks that have appeared and sense there is more outside that I cannot access.
Like by putting my hand through the prison bars I feel a sense of wholeness, oneness and completion I cannot feel behind the bars.
Like by taking a deeper breath than I normally would, I draw the scent and air of a world beyond what I know. One that is sweeter and more nurturing.
Like in my daydreams I am able to drift spiritually through the prison bars and dance and sing and be another me, the one outside the prison walls.
She runs freely on the hills, her hair tousled by the wind, she stands in the torrential rain unafraid of being wet, cold or coming undone, she is free, she is natural, she is One.

However, most days, I am trapped.

I wake up to a world that is good, but not great and it is all mostly made up in my head.
I see the same things but there is a jaded quality to the good stuff.
I believe it is because of those freedom dreams and breaths so I try to have them some more and pretend I am not imprisoned. Living in my heart outside the bars but physically and mentally within. It does not last, the heart is a greedy one beckoning the body and mind to come out and play, the heart wants more.
Then I feel even more trapped because I know there is no escape to the beyond. Not while I am in that prison of mind and my choosing.
So I turn deliberately the other way, I start to paint the walls of my prison, I paint the grass I see outside, I hang bright shining lights to replace the stars of heaven and I cover myself with clothes, shoes, food, sex, books, something to keep my heart distracted for a while. My mind configures all ways to deceive the heart.
I have cheery colored painted prison walls yet why do I feel so dull inside?