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As a fierce and devoted ally of the LGBTQ community, I am conflicted about (the fact that I like) the Sarah Silverman NWLC Wage Gap video.

I’d appreciate some open, compassionate, intelligent conversation about it.

In case you haven’t seen the video, or are unaware of the criticisms that the video is transphobic or transignorant, you can read the basic arguments here.

When I watched the video, I laughed and related. I’m an admittedly privileged hetero, white, affluent cis-woman (am I leaving out any labels?)

What personally affects my life most directly is sexism—plain, basic, old fashioned, “if you have a penis, you have power; if you have a vagina, you’re asking to be either raped or ignored” sexism.

Silverman’s video resonated with me. I thought it was absurd, but funny, and makes a point about the wage gap in a way that people will remember and is clearly getting people talking.

People aren’t just talking about the video. They’re talking about trans people and workplace discrimination—even in mainstream media. Here is Ronan Farrow interviewing an ACLU attorney on MSNBC, specifically about issues trans people face in the workplace.

What did I find so funny about the Silverman video? Simply the idea that stitching on a dick to “become a dude” is a solution to wage inequality. It’s so stupid that it’s funny.

Do I really believe that having a penis makes you a man? No. Do I believe that a vagina and a uterus define you as a woman?

Definitely not.

Do I believe that feminism is just for hetero, white, affluent cis-women? Absolutely not. I am an intersectional feminist, and I believe that the feminist movement must be inclusive of all people—not just all women, but all people.

As an LGBTQ ally and human rights advocate, I do understand the criticisms

(1) The video trivializes the plight of trans people.

(2) A penis does not make a man.

(3) Trans men get paid less than cis-men and that trans women get paid even less than that.

(4) Women of color were left out of the video completely.

(5) The video oversimplifies, makes a joke out of sex confirmation surgery, and plays into stereotypes.

(6) And probably other issues I’m forgetting or not aware of.

In spite of understanding these criticisms, I don’t fully agree with them. Ok, I would have preferred it if she had ended the video sooner, before the bit about saying good-bye to her breasts. When she got that specific about “becoming a dude,” it became more real and less funny to me. I think she could have avoided some of the anti-trans backlash if she had stayed at the level of stitching on a dick will end the vagina tax.

But there is still a poignant message in the Silverman video. And I still find it funny.

So here’s my conflict/question: Do I, as a cis-woman, have the right to agree or disagree with a trans issue? If I, as a cis-woman, find this video powerful, does that mean I am somehow betraying my LGBTQ friends?

I do have the right not only to have an opinion about the Silverman video, but also to like the video, in spite of my commitment as an ally to the LGBTQ community.

I want wage equality across the board for everyone—all genders, sexes, races, ethnicities, religions, able-bodiness, etc. The wage gap exists between more than just men and women. It exists between hetero, white cis-men and all other people. So, wouldn’t it be better to make a video that’s more inclusive?

Maybe. Maybe not. To get people to rally behind a cause, you need to get very specific and very personal. “Save the animals” is ineffective, where “Save the whales” got people on board. “All children deserve an education” is ineffective, where “I am Malala” is powerful.

Does a penis make you a man? Of course not. And yet trans men admit that they make more money as a man than they did when they were living as women—as long as they don’t admit that they are trans.

This says that “the powers that be” do believe a penis makes you a man.

Throughout history and across cultures, the penis is a source of power—and a potential tool of violence. Do I believe it is the greatest source of power? Hell, no. A source of power, yes. Just as a vagina is a source of power. (I’m speaking metaphorically here. Any body part can be a source of power.)

I do not believe that your body parts define your sex or your gender. I cannot stress enough how much I believe that. Just ask my children how I define sex and gender. People get to define them for themselves. While most parents teach that “boys have a penis, girls have a vagina,” I do not create those labels for them.

This is part of why I find the Silverman video funny and effective. Because it’s not true that a penis makes you a man! And because so many men do believe that a penis makes you a man!

For those of us who believe in wage equality and that we should be able to shamelessly ask for a raise—unlike Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella, who told women to use their “superpowers” of “faith” and “karma” and not ask for a raise—the idea of surgically adding a penis in order to achieve equal pay is laughable. I mean, if only it were that easy. As if getting a penis were easy. See why that idea can be funny?

There have been stories—both fictional and true—throughout the ages about women who pretend to be men in order to have more power and more rights. There are the “sworn virgins” in Albania who gave up sex, marriage and children “in return for the right to live and rule [their] families as a man.” In the New York Times article, a woman who has lived as a man for 60 years says, “Back then, it was better to be a man because before, a woman and an animal were considered the same thing.”

These Albanian women do not get penises, but no one outside of their family knows they are women. The implication is that they are perceived by others as physical men. If they were discovered to be physical women, they would lose all of their power. This, of course, mirrors the reality that trans people face every day—having to publicly hide their trans status to maintain the degree of rights and safety they currently possess.

The fact that the Albanian “sworn virgins” must become celibate in order to live as men additionally proves the lingering universal belief that having a vagina makes you less of a person. In old Albania, a woman’s life was worth literally half of the worth of a man’s life. This reflects Silverman’s “$500,000 vagina tax.”

Those of us who advocate for equal pay for equal work—regardless of sex, gender, race, religion, etc.—know that there is much more than just a vagina tax. There is a black tax, a Muslim tax, a Mexican tax, a queer tax, a disability tax, and on and on.

When I watch the Silverman wage gap video, I see her as as mocking the men who believe a penis makes you a man. I do not see her as trivializing the wage gap issue or trans issues.

Do you remember this Eddie Murphy video, ”White Like Me,” from SNL years ago?

The Silverman video reminds me of this. It’s absurd, and yet it holds more than a kernel of truth.

If the Eddie Murphy video had come out today, would he be criticized for ignoring other ethnic or racial minorities? And what about the fact that he plays into sexism by featuring a woman in a skimpy cocktail waitress outfit? What about the fact that “not all men” actually get paid the same for the same job? Harvard white men get paid more than nameless-podunk college white men. And what about the fact that there is an old (white) boys’ club, to which even white women are not invited?

Something that I, as a white woman, have always found interesting is that black men got the vote before women did—even white women. As bad as racism is in the United States, sexism is even worse. And that is saying a lot.

Eddie Murphy’s “truth” is not actually everyone’s truth. But his truth is the truth for many other Black men (and women). Just like Silverman’s truth is also the truth for many other women. Murphy’s story isn’t the full story. Silverman’s story isn’t the full story.

I want to hear and see the stories of trans women, of lesbians, of women of color, of women with disabilities, of all women. I don’t like oversimplifications. I don’t like dumbing down. I don’t approve of using someone else as a punchline to make a point for yourself.

I just don’t think that’s what’s really happening here.

I find trans women incredibly brave for giving up their “male identities” in order to live their truth as women. Emotionally and spiritually, they don’t have a choice. They are women. But in practical reality, they do have a choice, and given what I know about the risks of being a woman, I can only begin to imagine the difficulties of coming out as a trans woman.

As a hetero, white, affluent cis-woman, I have always had a much easier life than my sisters who may not be hetero or white or affluent or cis. My problems and experiences with sexism do not diminish theirs. And their (often much worse) problems do not negate mine. There should be no “who has it worse” pissing contest when it comes to feminism and human rights.

I am an intersectional feminist. And I think it’s okay for me to laugh at the absurdity that some people—most people—still believe that a penis makes you a man.

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