What is true sexual power?

I define it as proudly claiming your erotic self and mindfully channeling sexual energy. You never use it to hurt, manipulate, make conquests or get addicted to the ego-trip of sensual pleasure at the expense of others. Instead sexuality compliments spirituality by linking us with a greater force of love.

To fully tap into your sexual power you must embrace your own sensuality. It can offer you a primal connection, a satisfaction you can never get from your intellect alone. As you open to both sex and spirit, whether you’re single or part of a couple, you’ll be a vessel for an erotic flow, enjoying pleasure without insecurities or inhibitions.

To awaken your senses, try these techniques.

Set aside uninterrupted time to playfully experiment. Begin to relax by breathing deep and slow. We habitually breathe shallowly to temper sexual and other feelings. I want you to sense, not think, to be fully in your body.

7 Ways to Surrender to Our Sensual Selves

Awaken Touch

Take a fresh flower or a feather and gently stroke each other’s bodies. (For me, it’s a rose in full bloom with petals about to fall.) Start with the face, neck, chest, breasts, your heart area, gradually making your way down to the genitals. Repeat delicate, circular motions over these areas. They respond to a light touch. It’ll feel lovely and exciting. Let go. Revel in the sensations.

Awaken Taste

Select a few foods, herbs, or spices that have zing. Arrange them on a plate. My favorites are papaya, peppermint, and honey. I have an accountant-patient with a non-stop mind who perks up her sensuality by savoring a succulent piece of watermelon. To heighten your sense of taste, I suggest wearing an eye mask or a loose blindfold perhaps made from a silk scarf. Then, with eyes covered, have your partner offer you each selection one by one. The tongue is a sensual miracle of sensations. Let the pleasure of taste spread throughout your body. Allow it to arouse every pore.

Awaken Smell

Now, explore smell. It is an intimate and important part of sexuality which can turn you off or on. Let a blindfold accentuate your exploration of this sense. One patient, a full time mom, gets a sensual lift from a few whiffs of lavender or gardenia oil during the day. She keeps them in her desk and car. Test our various scents. See how your body responds to different aromas of herbs, oils, or perfumes. Use them as a sensual refresher.

Play With Movement and Rocking

Experiment with moving your bodies together to build sensuality. Rocking your bodies while holding one another can be extremely sensual. Also, when you first see each other after being apart, a long, silent embrace or hug, combined with rocking is arousing. Dancing or spontaneous free form movements are beautiful too.

Explore Sacred Slapping

Sometimes slapping each other on say, the buttocks, awakens you erotically. Get feedback from your partner about the intensity of the slap that feels right. Do this in the spirit of love, play, never anger. Though this technique doesn’t appeal to everyone, it can jolt some people into a new level of openness and sensual participation.

Tune Into Nature

Draw on nature’s passion to heighten your sensuality. Storms, lightning bolts, mist, rainbows, wind in the woods—enjoy whatever manifestations of nature excite you. Let them arouse your body. Be aware of colors, textures, sounds. Absorb them all. For instance, I’ll twirl on my balcony to the sensual tone of distant fog horn, becoming one with it and the ocean nearby. Sensuality can be transmitted from nature to you, a spontaneous osmosis if you allow it to happen.

These techniques will intensify your own sensuality and the erotic relationship between you and your partner. Exploring each other is never just a one-time event. Keep discovering the nuances of each other’s sensitivity and aesthetics. Experiment with what gives you both Goosebumps, tingles, or surges of warmth. Notice how your body feels, all of it, especially belly, genitals, breasts.

Share what arouses you. This lets you both experience more pleasure and intimacy.

The above is adapted from The Ecstasy of Surrender: 12 Surprising Ways Letting Go Can Empower Your Life Harmony Books, 2014 by Judith Orloff MD.

Author: Judith Orloff 

Editor: Renee Picard

Image: Magdalena Roeseler at Flickr