I want to share some insider secrets with all the nice guys of the world.

It breaks my heart that some guys think women want them to tone down the niceness. From my perspective and what I hear in the lady’s bathroom, guys aren’t getting the cold shoulder because they’re too nice—even if that’s what they were told.

I’ll admit. It’s much easier for women to say it’s because he’s “too nice.” It may be a lie, but at least it’s a compliment right?

As a single woman, I think the world actually needs more kind and loving nice guys in the dating pool.

But I do feel like a lot of nice guys need a tweak in other areas of their game. So I’m going to share three brutally honest reasons why I think some guys are constantly getting fake numbers, left at the altar and sent home with blue balls—and none of them have to do with being too nice.

Imagine this. The last woman to break a guy’s heart because he was “too nice” starts to date a dreamy guy like Brad Pitt. He’s got everything—good looks, success, brains and talent. Do you really think if he was “too nice” to this woman she would break up with him?

If he was giving her compliments, opening doors, buying her presents and showering her with love and affection that she would eventually shrug him off and go for the bad boy loser next door? No way—it’s not going to happen.

“Too nice” is not any guy’s problem. Here’s the real issue with nice guys and why they keep finishing last in the love department:

#1. It’s not that he’s “too nice,” he’s too eager. He calls too much. He’s too needy. He thinks his lady friend should be flattered that he wants to spend so much time with her. He thinks it’s awesome to be texting and calling and asking for a date five nights out of the week. He thinks that if one “UR so beautiful” text gives her warm and fuzzies, that he should send them all the time. He thinks that a women should like that he’s that into her, but it’s a turn off. Women like men who have passions, hobbies, cool friends and family bonds. When men are too eager it sends the message that they don’t have any of those things and it’s unappealing.

#2. It’s not that he’s “too nice,” he’s just not attractive enough. I’m sorry, but I see too many unattractive guys going after women who look like models and getting frustrated when they can’t get any play. No amount of nice-a-tude is going to win him a woman who’s out of his league. He sends her flowers, treats her like a queen and tells her he’ll do anything for her. And then when it doesn’t work he says it’s because she can’t handle a “nice guy.” Please. Looks matter to most people, so how about putting your energy towards someone who’s on your same level physically.

#3. It’s not that he’s “too nice,” he’s insecure. A lot of insecure guys use niceness to try and get a woman to like them. They think, “Who doesn’t like someone who’s nice to them?” and since they don’t feel like they have much to offer otherwise, they pour on the sweet stuff too thick. And it’s not even that it’s too thick, it’s that it’s not enough to win over the girl. Some men need to get over their insecurities or do something to fix what’s causing them. Women like men who are confident. Find out where your insecurities are stemming from and do something about it. Overweight? Clean up your diet. Broke? Get a better job. Boring? Read some books. Being nice is not enough.

When it comes down to it, a woman could be uninterested for a million reasons and it’s important for guys to understand that being “too nice” is not one of them. A lot of things need to line up in order for there to be a match between two people. Physical attraction, chemistry, wanting the same things—it’s all adding up in her decision to flirt back.

For goodness sake, I hope guys will keep being nice. They shouldn’t think that they have to be a jerk to attract women because that’s a lie. It’s a tough world, especially when you’re single and dating.

Kindness, love and compassion is seriously lacking so please keep giving it out in large doses. Nice guys will find their special girl if they keep being their true and loving self.

Relephant:

What Women are Dying for Men to Realize.

Author: Lealyn Poponi

Editor: Travis May

Photo: Flickr/ooznu