I lived in a tantric yogic community for three months and the Tantra workshop I attended really ignited an opening and I felt a desire to experience tantra in a more intimate, physical and active way.

There was a tantric man whom I found very sexy and had interest in “practicing” Tantra with him. I was nervous and my fear of rejection surfaced. I then found out that he was “active” and I was encouraged by my tantra teacher to approach him.

One evening we both were at the same event. I saw him and once he was alone I thought to myself, “This is your time to do it.” I nervously approached him and mentioned that I have spoken to one of the tantra teachers and that I knew he was active and I was wondering if he would initiate me into tantra. My heart sank as I just stepped through a huge fear and he then responded with a smile and a “yes” and we made a plan to get into contact and make a time to meet.

I left that conversation thinking to myself, “Oh my god, I can’t believe I just blatantly asked someone to sleep with me!” I then gave myself credit for having the balls to do it and acknowledged my inner changes and shifts that must have occurred for me to have approached him.

A day or two later he contacted me to meet up and we arranged for me to come to his place. I arrived, legs shaved, makeup and matching underwear on and brazilian wax done! We first sat down and talked and he asked me what I was hoping to get out of this experience. I told him how I am moving through some inhibitions and that I thought an experience like this could help me move through those barriers and open up even more.

We then went in to his room and placed flowers and chocolates on his alter as an offering, we sat down crossed legged in front of each other and made a consecration—an offering of the fruits of this meeting to the divine—and then we did a short transfiguration (eye gazing) together, which created a beautiful and safe space.

He then asked me to stand up and undress in front of him. My heart sank. He remained sitting down and I stood up in front of him and began by removing my skirt, placing it to the side. Next, it was time to remove my shirt which is always a vulnerable moment for me as it’s the first time a man sees my birthmark that looks like a large burn and covers my entire left arm. As I began to remove my shirt I told him that he would notice my birthmark, that it looks like a burn and not to worry, it doesn’t hurt. He paid no attention to what I was saying and my obvious insecurity. I breathed deeply and removed my shirt and put it to the side, I was then standing in only my underwear which was next to be taken off. I removed my bra and then slid off my underwear.

There I was completely naked and feeling totally vulnerable in front of a man that I hardly knew and found very attractive.

He then looked over and transfigured my entire naked body—I saw a wonderment and appreciation in his eyes as he, Shiva, adored and appreciated the Shakti, me, standing in front of him. Then he asked me to turn around. I took another huge breathe and turned around and, as he scanned and transfigured the rest of my body, my heart was racing.

Once he was done I turned around as he stood up, he approached me, we began kissing and had a beautiful evening of love making.

I felt fully present during our evening together and was grateful for such a powerful and beautiful experience. Once the evening was done we said goodbye and I left like a different woman than the one I was when I arrived.

Being fully received by a man, in what felt like the most vulnerable I have ever been, was transformative.

None of what I feared—be it the shame, rejection or humiliation—manifested and what I was left with was a beautiful experience that helped me to experience and feel my inner divine feminine.

So, to this particular man and to all men who adore, revere and appreciate the feminine, thank you for holding space for the divine feminine to be ignited.

~

Relephant:

The Beginner’s Guide to a Tantric Love Affair with Life.

Tantra Isn’t About Sex (Except When it is).

~

Author: Kerri Cust

Editor: Katarina Tavčar

Photo: Wikimedia