When I was growing up in my Pakistani home in London, I lived every day in fear.

I was scared of dying (just as much as the next person) and burning in hell.

But the funny thing is that I was already there.

My Dad’s temper was nothing short of terrifying, so I never even dreamed of stepping out of line. Consequently, I compromised my own happiness to please him. I stopped doing the things I loved like singing, dancing and even writing. My every opinion was trashed and I was made to feel less than my older brothers. The only future I thought I had was one that involved getting arranged married to a man I didn’t know, let alone love.

With my voice silenced and life dictated, it’s safe to say that I was not really living.

But despite the misery, there was a part of me that nobody could ever touch, not even my Dad. That my friend, was my fighting spirit. The part of me that knew I wanted and deserved so much more than they had planned.

I was a caged bird and all I yearned for was my freedom.

Then one glorious day I escaped to Amsterdam. The distance I put between myself and my Dad gave me space to become a tabula rasa and realize who I truly am. I revelled in my newfound freedom, letting go and allowing my true self to emerge. I even dared to speak my own mind for the first time. Then came the job, independence, friendships and holidays.

I was reborn into a brand new life that I once thought was only a dream.

But it wasn’t soon before I learned a funny lesson about life: history tends to repeat itself. While I became comfortable in my new life, I started compromising my happiness all over again. I know I am not alone. Many of us go through life selling our souls to please our parents, partners, friends, co-workers and even our children.

From a young age, we are taught that our lives are not worth much beyond what others think of us and how we serve them. We put up with a lot of heartache because we don’t believe we are worthy of anything better. In essence, we accept the love we think we deserve.

If I could go back in time, I would wrap my arms around my fifteen-year-old self and whisper these words into her ear:

Your heart is gold and your life precious. Your worth doesn’t depend on what your parents, family or friends think of you. You have the right to be and live freely. To follow your heart and be your own unapologetic self. Life is way too short to compromise yourself another second for any other being. You do not need to earn anyone’s love or approval.

You are pure magic—and if your loved ones cannot see this, it is their loss.

As I say these words to my teenage-self, I say them to every other person on this planet, including you.

History and patterns will continue to repeat, until a lesson is learned. Lessons are even passed down generations. As the Manic Street Preachers’ song goes: “If you tolerate this, then your children will be next.” I know for a fact that the only reason my Dad made my life (and those around him) so miserable is because he was unhappy in his. Just as I know his father was and so forth. Unhappiness breeds unhappiness, until someone takes a stand and chooses differently.

My lesson has been to know my worth and to reflect this in my actions and life choices. To stop playing small and open up to life, standing in my power as an infinite being. To be the change I want to see in the world, putting my own needs, wishes, hopes and dreams first. Some people may think this is selfish, but it’s absolutely necessary. If we’re not living a life we love, we are living a life we hate. Now that would be truly sad.

“Death isn’t sad. The sad thing is: most people don’t live at all.” ~ Dan Millman

When I am old, grey, rocking in my chair and looking out at the ocean, I want to reflect on the past 100 years and be able to crack a smile and say: “Now that was one hell of a ride!”

What about you?

Author: Rosina Majid

Editor: Renée Picard

Photo: Author’s Own