Allowing Shame.

And then the moment came when I began to allow it. The shame, it moved through me fast and I froze and I shivered and I couldn’t speak so I shattered into a million pieces. That’s what it felt like. And then I felt (as I often do) that I could die here, all shattered and alone and that I might die even harder from being left by you unseen in my shattered frozen place. But I let myself break because when I abandon myself, that feels like dying too. I fell into the space that you held for me and found the sun that is you, that is me, that is there always in the center holding the swirling scattered pieces of the galaxy together because that’s just what it does. Every time I do this now I learn to trust and every time I trust I can feel the sun moving through me so warm and yellow and I find myself exploding into a million different pieces of aliveness. In love.

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