Life Lessons from an Auntie to Her Niece.

My niece is graduating from high school on Tuesday and about to embark on her journey through adulthood. I remember 22 years ago standing in her shoes, a drastically different woman than I am today. I was fresh-faced, full of dreams, and head-over-heels in love. Since then I have walked through fire, had my spirit burned to ash, held my broken heart in my hands, cried an ocean of tears, reclaimed my story, and learned to love.

My hope for my niece is to experience every human emotion, but also to be equipped with a few of the life lessons I have learned so far on my own journey. Although, if she is as independent and creative as I am, she will no doubt have to learn each of these lessons for herself. But I can’t help but think, perhaps my journey includes passing these gems along to her. For who are we if not all aunties who live and share our stories with love and compassion?

The words below may resonate in familiarity. They are seeds of wisdom compiled and imprinted upon my heart from the teachings of my metaphorical aunties, including Anne Lamott, Brené Brown, Cheryl Strayed, Elizabeth Gilbert, Marianne Williamson, Melody Beattie, Maya Angelou, Oprah Winfrey, and Pema Chödrön.

Life Lessons for My Niece

1. Search: Be true and gentle toward yourself. You are a beautiful, unique individual. You have your own special talents and gifts to offer the world. You never need to be like someone else. When you look in the mirror and compare the arch of your eyebrows, the muscle tone in your thighs, the crooked smile, and you start to say things to yourself that are unkind, stop. Try something new. Treat yourself with the love you would give your best girlfriend. Honor yourself. Search for who you are, who your best self is, and be her every day.

2. Dare: Dare greatly to live your own story. Living your life through another’s eyes is exhausting, soul-draining, and deadens your spirit. You will be disappointed and not live up to the standards you set for yourself, because it’s not your truth, it’s not your story.

If you hear the call to pack up your beat-up blue suitcase with all the shorts and tank tops you own and move to Maui on a one-way ticket, don’t hesitate. It may be the life-turning experience you need to discover your true self. Those daring moments can seem like the stupidest thing you’ve done and they can also be the headline in a front-page article of your life. Dare to do what pulls you. Listen to the whispers of your heart.

So maybe a year later you return to California with the same suitcase, but you’ll also return with a more intimate understanding of your own story.

3. Create: You have the right and ability to create, rewrite, and change your story, over and over again, as many times as necessary. Your life is a book with many chapters. When things don’t go as planned, yell, “Plot twist!” and carry on.

I remember a few years ago, in one of my most desperate moments, wondering just what went wrong with the life I had carefully put together. I was searching for an answer about what to do next and was hopelessly disappointed with all my options. I sat at my kitchen table, unwashed hair, holding on to my cup of coffee like a life preserver, scrolling through Pinterest boards, and the Plot twist! quote appeared on my computer screen. It gave me pause. And then a smile. And then a flicker of hope tinged with humor. I laughed out loud and dropped that saying into my heart.

Plot twist! has been one of the graces that carried me through recreating my life. Those two words make me smile every time I say them, and keep me curious about what I’m going to write next.

4. Love: The meaning of life is to love. Love with your whole heart. Love yourself, love others. Forgive with love, speak with love, and act with love. This goes without saying.

5. Pray: When you’re hurt or betrayed, pray every day for that person’s happiness. Pray for them to be filled with loving kindness and peace. One of two things will miraculously happen: either they will start to behave differently toward you, or you will no longer care.

This works on all levels, boyfriends, best friends, the man on the street corner who calls you a terrible name when you’re just trying to walk to work. I’ve been able to instantly send a prayer of love to people who are acting in hurtful ways and can feel my heart softening.

Now, sweet girl, this doesn’t mean you’re allowing people to act like jerks toward you. When that happens, you leave and set a clear boundary of what you will and won’t be a part of. What this does mean is as you walk away, you leave a prayer of love behind.

6. Look: Your thoughts influence and create your experiences. If you’re struggling, pray for help to reframe your thoughts. Recognize that you’re seeing things through a particular lens and be open to change your view. I’m still amazed how just sending a thought out into the universe asking for help to see things a different way will actually shift the energy I feel toward something. Look at the world through a lens of love and your life will become infinitely more beautiful.

7. Feel: Energy attracts similar energy. If you feel blessed and loved and loving, you will draw those experiences toward you. And similarly, if you feel sad, bleh, and irritated, those experiences will find you too.

You know those mornings where your cats made a mess that made you late, your favorite top has a stain that didn’t come out in the wash, and the barista barely acknowledged your presence when you took your almond-milk latte? Think of the energy you’re feeling. Low-frequency, negative feelings will highlight all that’s wrong with life. I know it’s not easy to turn those moments around. But it is possible.

Take a second to get in the moment and become aware of one or two things that make you feel good. Maybe it’s the latte that’s hot and sweet and just the way you like it. Little things like that totally help. I promise.

8. Connect: At one time or another, someone felt the same way you feel now, scared, excited, vulnerable, in love, unsure, joyful. They sat with those feelings, and so can you. Connect to other’s experiences when you feel alone and share your own story.

I think it’s Oprah that said when she’s about to go out and do something alone, she remembers the thousands of women, mothers, aunties, and grandmothers, that stood before her and stand beside her now in spirit. We are all here holding space for you and we know you will be here for us.

9. Breathe: The breath will always bring you back to your heart. Everything will be alright if you just keep your eyes open and breathe.

This helps especially when you’re in an intense yoga pose and feel like you’re going to die. Or when you’re in your first job interview and you didn’t understand the question the manager just asked.

10. Live: One of my favorite quotes says, “One life. Just one. Why aren’t we running like we are on fire towards our wildest dreams?” Every day is a chance to live the life you want. Listen to your heart and go boldly in the direction of your dreams. And it’s totally okay to take naps along the way. Because, as we both know, naps are the best.

The rest of the lessons, dear one, are for you to learn and define on your own.

I once had an extraordinary boss who after assigning me a project would look me in the eyes and proclaim, “Go forth and do great things!” Though some on our team rolled their eyes at her eccentricity, I always smiled and used her confidence to fuel my efforts.

So, to my niece, as she stands at the precipice of adulthood, I say with my whole heart, and with the voices of all the aunties who stand by my side in spirit and flesh, go forth and do great things! And when life brings you to your knees, tuck the experience into your heart to share as a lesson for the nieces of the next generation.

Comments