Overcoming Envy In The Digital Age.

Social media is a double-edged sword. It can be a great way to stay in touch with friends, family, and coworkers, it’s a great tool for disseminating information, and it can also make you burn with envy.

We’ve all been there. A coworker brags about getting the promotion you thought you’d get. A friend has a baby after her third unplanned pregnancy while you struggle with infertility. Or the worst one of all: seeing pictures of all your friends at a wedding or another event you weren’t invited to. Ouch.

It’s natural to compare ourselves to our friends and others we follow on social media and it’s also natural to feel bad when you see them with things or experiences you covet. To make it worse, social media has made all that information available to us on a continual basis.

A friend perfectly summed up the feelings many people have in today’s digital world. She shared with me about the sadness she feels when she reads the social media posts of her friends. She wrote, “I can’t stand the continuous pics of them sitting in a bar, or a map showing that they’re at a restaurant…. It creates an artificial world where everyone is happy and having a good time – and can make you feel bad if you’re not having as much fun.” We’ve all been there. We have all felt that way – FOMO, the fear of missing out. And even when you acknowledge it’s an “artificial world”, it still stings.

There’s a reason envy is considered one of the seven deadly sins. It’s one of the toughest emotions we work to overcome and in the end it hurts nobody but you. But how do you combat these common feelings of envy? Is it possible to turn it around and make it a positive thing? Consider the following ways of getting a handle on this potent emotion.

Cultivate mudita.

Mudita (pronounced MOO-dee-tah) is the Buddhist practice of taking joy in other people’s accomplishments, successes, and good fortune. The next time you feel envy in response to something on social media send out a heartfelt congratulations or a kind word in return. There’s a Tibetan text that says, “Bless me so I may take joy in others’ happiness”. Take joy in their happiness! It may be easier said than done but mastering mudita puts a whole lot of good energy out into the world – for yourself, and others.

Give yourself a little credit.

Create a mental list of your accomplishments and all the things that you have been proud of in the past and draw from that list when you start to feel envious. It’s easy to forget how extraordinary you are when you’re witnessing others’ successes and having that reservoir will be a good reminder.

You do you.

No one else can. You may not be aware of all the people who could  be in awe of your unique skills and talents. A friend recently told me that I’m her heroine after I’d spent a good deal of time envying her own successes. Who knew?

Study what makes you envious and turn it into motivation.

Did a friend just publish a book? If that’s your dream then put some goals in place to make it happen for you too. Drooling over someone’s new house when you can’t afford to buy? Start pulling ideas together to give your place a low-cost makeover minus the big mortgage. Use a negative emotion as a catalyst to create positive changes in your own life.

Keep a gratitude journal.

I know, I know. A gratitude journal is the answer to everything! But in this case, it can help you to clearly focus on what you have instead of what you wish you had. It can also shift your thinking away from what’s creating envious thoughts.

All that glitters may not be gold.

It’s easy to set up a good shot for the camera but the story behind the picture may tell a different tale. Nobody is perfect nor lives the charmed life they’d like you to believe. Keep this in mind whenever you start to feel left out.

Use the Unfollow button liberally.

If all else fails, you can click the Unfollow button to avoid being triggered.

It may be a good idea to allow yourself a social media fast now and then too. Remove the apps from your phone, step away from the keyboard, and get involved in something you enjoy. It can help you reconnect with what’s real and allow you to live your life as only you can live it.

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