Radical Singleness

Yes, Being single is a choice that many choose intentionally.

Yeah, we chose that.

You know what we get tired of hearing?

That the reason we are single is because someone abused us.

Let that soak in.

Yes, we have been in abusive relationships.
 The type of relationship that makes our acquaintances stomach turn and that make beds seem like a sentence to a crime we never committed but…It most definitely is not why we are single.

Please, let’s not give our abusers the power we have taken back for ourselves.

The power to choose.
The power to be content in solitude.
The power to choose myself, and moments and hours in the evenings, for journaling and reading and catching up with friends and long baths and well… whatever we want to do.
The power to lay in a bed, on our own, and feel as though we are warm and secure and comforted all by ourselves.
The power to self discover and fall and weep and scream and realize we gotta lean on ourselves in those moments
The power of looking at no face but our own in the mirror and still find ourselves worthy of being told we are beautiful and worthy, if even only uttered by our own lips
The power of getting ready and not having anyone to impress
The power of gaining weight and telling ourselves that it was all good and we could rock this
The power to realize we don’t have to ask someone else to hang this, or move that, or do this or that ….
and that we may sweat and swear, hang things lopsided, and get bruised and banged up attempting to move things but we will glorify our attempts will also glorify the many holes in our walls as stepping into discomfort in order to grow
The power that we get to grab coffee with humans and build relationships and have soulful conversations and feel so content in that and not feel as though we have to invite them back to our bed
The power that we have to feel confident, good, and completely liberated when we get to discover places for the first time and feel as though we are good enough to share them with
The power we get to not follow society’s rules that we should technically be already married and have reproduced again by now
The power to realize we needed time to heal and grieve and celebrate and learn and be humbled and grow … on our own
The power in feeling loneliness and sadness and the power to question why we just “aren’t feeling it”
The power of letting ourselves have time to feel loneliness and sadness instead of filling the void without growth and healing
The power of realizing areas we need to work on and heal through
The power of realizing we could lean harder than at times stand on our own
The power of realizing we are loyal and capable of loving selflessly
The power of choice in itself
The power of being a woman and owning our choices when society may disagree
The power of being able to stand in what we feel strongly about
The power to feel
The power to not see singleness as selfish yet freeing and so full of love and light
The power to have patience and to love this time of our life
The power to feel we are worthy as we are and not only if accompanied by a plus 1
The power that dating simply just hasn’t been a priority and that we have  listened to our soul on this one
The power to step into our story and give our soul what it needs
The power to step into discomfort and to Rock out a new profound and terrifying way of life
The power of realizing we  honestly don’t want glimmer on my finger when others our age are staring through glass ring windows
The power of listening to our intuition, not settling, and realizing what a partner in life actually looks like for us
The power to venture to spots on our own and sit full of glory & peace that we are worthy, all on our own.

Abuse has in deed rocked our  world & we have learned what love looks like and what it sure does not ever need to resemble and within relations we will take extra love and grace and compassion with ourselves and our partners (if this serves us and knocks us out of this absolutely loving being single mindset) but it’s never going to keep us from loving fiercely or from pursuing what sets our soul on fire, it’s just going to look different- and because we are taking this time … we can become even more hyped to love the world or a partner, due to knowing how we give love best and how we receive love best… because we have  taken this time for ourselves.

When abuse is given power for some of the most profound, awakening, real and humbling and most radical years of our  life … then there is an assumption given that there must be a reason we choose to journey through singleness and that there must be rhyme or reason that we are totally cool with “just not being interested.”

Why should this even be a thing?
I don’t know … but it is .

Singleness does not need any further implication, reasoning, or side stories explaining its existence in our lives.  So we should continue to assume this, radically, relentlessly, without explanation and fearlessly for all that it is serving in your life right now.

We can be us, in all our magic, all by ourselves.

Our singleness is just as radical as others relations. So, speak about it as such.

Sending love,
The Soul Grind 
www.thesoulgrind.wordpress.com

Photo by: Jess Amburgey

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