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This is a journey
a journey into another dimension
Where you find yourself screaming on your bathroom floor
as they overtake your brain.
And looking around trying to figure out if IT IS YOUR BATHROOM
or if somehow you have landed in the middle of someone else’s nightmare.
It is a journey into a world where voices say “Push through”,
as if checking out of reality and pain that turns your insides out
is something normal for a body to “push through”.
“You look great though..” is used by others to calm your desperation to live.
As if tits and ass equates quality of life.
It is the middle ground between sanity and crazy
between life and death
surpassing man’s fears and testing his courage.
It is another dimension where screaming the truth about an illness falls on deaf ears
And where we huddle in underground circles
whispering names of Doctors who can lose their license for helping us.
Where every day begins with gasping for air
with moments of peace
and ending with relief of sleep (if you are lucky).
It is another dimension where you are left in a maze alone
trying to find reality is someone else’s ability to care
or a goddam antibiotic,
stored in your cabinet on the chance that insurance will no longer give it to you.
Where you discover that the hardest words for a human to say are “How are you?”
Where every act becomes about survival
Loneliness
Being ostracized
Heaven
Hell
And some days wondering why you are even trying.
And exactly who is the “I” beneath all this poison.
This is the dimension doctors insisted was our imagination
But found in reality.
It is an area called the “Lyme Zone.”
https://youtu.be/IPOl2HoTrzM
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